OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Amazing changes coming to SSN

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** March 12, 2021 11:22 am

HUGE OBJECTION TO TERMINOLOGY:
Why do you not refer to a "non-trans partner" as straight? Why single us out and shunt us over to a category in which we are defined not by what we are, but what we are not--trans. To do so defines us in relation to our trans spouses.

**Posted by JoeH** March 12, 2021 11:58 am

OutofHisCloset wrote:
HUGE OBJECTION TO TERMINOLOGY:
Why do you not refer to a "non-trans partner" as straight? Why single us out and shunt us over to a category in which we are defined not by what we are, but what we are not--trans. To do so defines us in relation to our trans spouses.

I am the lead on the research for SSN and I the research and language used in the research survey will be inclusive for all people. Demographic questions will allow for the person taking the survey to self identify, they will not be placed into a pre-determined bucket. Its up to the research team to stratify the data for analysis and review.

All people who who will be surveyed will answer basic demographic questions, from there there will be a series of questions asked, so that we can answer some of the questions that Kel mentioned. The survey will be set up for anyone to answer.

Demographic questions below for an example:

How do you identify your gender Check one response: Man, Woman, Non-Binary, Gender fluid, Gender Queer, Another Gender____, Prefer not to answer.

Do you identify as transgender or non-binary? Yes, no, prefer not to answer

Which of the following best describes your sexual orientation: straight/heterosexual, bisexual, gay, lesbian, pansexual, asexual, demisexual, queer, another sexual orientation_____, prefer not to answer.

What is your race/ethnicity: white, black, African American, American Indian or Alaska native, Asian, native Hawaiian or pacific islander, another race or ethnicity, prefer not to answer.

Feel free to message me with your thoughts and ideas, questions you are seeking and I can add them to the list of the many ideas we have already received. The survey research is currently under development.
Thanks
Joe

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** March 12, 2021 12:16 pm

As a gender critical feminist (and ex-director of a university women's studies program) I can see that there would be much you and I wouldn't agree with, beginning with the elision of sex into gender. "Woman" is not a gender; feminine is a gender. The dictionary definition of Woman is this: adult human female. My sex is female; (therefore) I am a woman.

I'm understandably sensitive on this question of definitions and labels, and who determines how things will be defined and labeled, as trans activists and my trans-identified ex equate femininity with female, and insist that "woman" is defined not by one's biological sex but by one's performance of femininity. In order to claim his "woman-hood," my ex "performed" an extreme (and misogynistic) femininity, and re-defined me as "butch" and "lesbian," neither of which I am.

And it's not just me, individual. It's we females, we women, all of us. It's the erasure of femaleness, it's female erasure. "Woman" is being taken from us, and we're being redefined as "cis," or as "uterus havers" or "pregnant people."

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (March 12, 2021 9:21 pm)

**Posted by JoeH** March 12, 2021 12:35 pm

OutofHisCloset wrote:
As a gender critical feminist (and ex-director of a university women's studies program) I can see that there would be much you and I wouldn't agree with, beginning with the elision of sex into gender. My sex is female.

This is all a work in progress and I provided an example which is no where near its final form for use,. Diversity of thought, perspective and experience is welcome, feel free to email me at jhess@straightspouse.org and we can talk about all things research and opportunities to move forward. I welcome your input.

Joe

**Posted by Lynne** March 13, 2021 7:27 pm

Frankly, I don't understand why this research is necessary. There is already outstanding research by Dr. Omar Minwalla that describes what happened to us and its consequences. All these labels (gay, straight, bi, trans, whatever) are just a distraction from the simple truth. I know this information has been discussed on the forum many times but it has never been placed in a prominent location for everyone to benefit from it

"Deceptive Sexuality: The CASRD and Trauma Model"
https://theinstituteforsexualhealth.com/the-casrd-and-trauma-model/

His findings regarding our trauma symptoms, (If you don't like the term sex addiction then think of it as deceptive sexuality)
https://theinstituteforsexualhealth.com/thirteen-dimensions-of-sex-addiction-induced-trauma-sait-among-partners-and-spouses-impacted-by-sex-addiction/

And yes, longway, I so agree with what you said about children.

Last edited by Lynne (March 13, 2021 7:39 pm)

**Posted by lily** March 15, 2021 3:23 pm

I would like to add my voice to the request to pin Longway's post The Secret Sexual Basement by Dr Omar Minwalla.

I remember the relief I felt on reading his work when it was first linked here even though I was years past the trauma of initial discovery - his professionally structured validation of what I had experienced was so helpful to read and I think it would be good to have it easily accessible for all the new people who come.

thanks, Lily.

**Posted by lily** March 15, 2021 8:04 pm

oh yes, validation is critical - it is always good but particularly when you have been living with someone denying the truth of your thoughts and feelings.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** March 16, 2021 11:03 am

longwayhome,
I so appreciate your kind words. So many people were helpful to me; I think knowing that when we tell our stories we help others is the reason I'm still on the forum.

**Posted by lily** March 16, 2021 6:41 pm

yes, I think it's like that biblical thing - deny it thrice - I think that's a sort of benchmark. Like they've done studies that show that most people can remember 6 things at a time - so jam selections tend to come in packs of 6. I think it's the same with denial - are you gay, no. oh. really don't you think you might be gay - no not at all, now comes a wavering but I thought you might be a little bit gay and the third denial makes you doubt yourself. and this is only natural because we do look to each other for corroboration. Different of course when someone is spinning a yarn, then it's probably more like three bites and you got em hooked.

**Posted by SusanneH** April 26, 2021 10:42 am

I’m wondering, too. I would think the survey would at least have to be well along before much else could be done. How’s that coming?