OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Something every bi person in a MOM with a straight...

**Posted by TangledOil** December 6, 2020 6:40 pm

... should read (and live) if they want to give their MOM a chance at success.

I pulled this quote from someone who posted in the MarriedandBi subreddit on Reddit. I think it’s excellent advice succinctly stated.

“I wish I could get across to bisexual husbands how desperately your wife needs reassurance at these times--and probably will for a long, long time. You've just said something about YOU that she can't help but hear as being about HER--you've said something she heard as "I want something that isn't you, and I always will." It's hard not to hear as a threat. You will have to give her a lot of care when you come out to her. Part of that may (probably will) be a lot of sex--she needs to know that even if you want guys, you primarily want her, and she is still your priority--that you are HAPPY to make her your priority. You LOVE to make her your priority. You aren't going anywhere. A secure, well-loved woman can make a lot of room in her heart for a lot of things (experimenting, opening up, fantasy play, etc...), because she wants you to be secure, happy, well-loved, and satisfied. But she has to be completely confident in you first.”

Last edited by TangledOil (December 6, 2020 6:46 pm)

**Posted by Sonata** December 11, 2020 8:35 pm

Thank you TangledOil....this is exactly right. It's what I've been saying to my husband. I'm so screwed up right now that I want him to want to be sexual with me and pursue me, but I want to be able to turn him down because right now I just don't feel open to him sexually. It is messed up but I can't help it. My trust level is so low......

**Posted by TangledOil** December 12, 2020 7:50 pm

Hi Sonata,

I was so happy when I came across this quote because it’s exactly how I felt and still feel often, but I couldn’t verbalize it quite so succinctly. I had my husband read it too and he gets it. We are almost a year post revelation, but he only began recognizing this as how I likely felt maybe 6 most post reveal. Have your husband read the quote if you haven't already.

All this is exceptionally traumatic. Look up the diagnostic criteria for PTSD and you may find you meet much of the criteria. It sucks. It really does, but I think there’s hope of both people put in the hard work.

Tangled

Last edited by TangledOil (December 12, 2020 7:51 pm)

**Posted by Hawklover** February 20, 2021 7:46 am

Thank you for that Tangled!