Susanne Julian, and I agree with you both that the emotional connection is an essential part of sex.
That's lacking in most porn, and it's sad if men don't distinguish between the hollow porn depiction of sex and making love in a personal relation.
Maybe they are dulled by what they see in porn, thinking that's what it's all about, probably unaware what they are missing. 

We sometimes play an erotic game named "Ultimate desire, discover your lover", a fun game for a couple. When we play it we don't stick closely to the rules (we ignore the time limits) and never actually reach the end of the board for obvious reasons...
Just an idea as a christmas present for your partner (and yourself)
But I also think it might help those men mentioned to learn and discover other patterns than the "porn way". A playful and relaxed way to more communication, attention and tenderness.