Birdsolvig,

I think we can all identify..on this board.

My family and friends who I told about my GX had a hard time wrapping their head around the gay. My own brother didn't believe me until I showed him the proof I had.  My GX hid here same sex attraction well.  It is something they couldn't wrap their heads around because I had been married to her for so long.   I think friends or family are not  able to understand the trans or gay anymore than we can.

But I do think the good friends or family try.  That is all we can ask.

Like the gay or trans I think the deception is something we just need to  accept to move on.  It is what separates us from them..we are not capable of such deception..at least not naturally.  I can think of nothing any of us did that warrants such deception (though my GX tried her best to make me think I deserved it).

Best of luck to you moving on..I think moving may be best if it helps you avoid contact and triggers and helps you feel safe.

Deception.....for whatever selfish reason "oh I didn't want to hurt you"..."I thought it wouldn't matter if it was another man".....is what killed my perception of and belief in a r'ship I thought would go on forever. It wasn't until I looked back at those 3-4 months, when he was dismissive, avoiding meaningful discussion, displayed uncalled-for anger, was man-scaping  and telling me it was for him, went to a doctor but wouldn't tell me what for. All these things by themselves might not add up to anything but taking a good look at that time, and knowing it was all before he sent an email suggesting I allow him to bi-sexually-explore.....those 3-4 months were a death knell. 

 

Julian_Stone wrote:

....An EMAIL?? WTH

 

This is a man who 'talks' better, about sexual needs, when it's not face to face. It took me 3 years to finally realise he won't change. Since all sexual contact between us has ceased...the ball is now in his court. 

Elle
 

Blindone, I can really identify with your situation.  I changed my regular driving routes so I don't pass by his apt. or the house we lived in.  But I do run into him in stores, etc.  A year ago I saw him twice in church dressed as a woman for the first time.  I haven't been back to that church since then.  It's hard to forget the situation when you have to keep running into that person.  When he moved back here years ago, my thought was "Now I'll never be happy again."

I want to move away from here but I'm not sure whether I should because of other circumstances.



 

BirdSolveig,
   About friends: I don't think most people understand the extent of what those of us who live with transgendered husbands go through.  Heck, I lived through it and after almost three years after leaving I feel that I have not yet fully understood the deep and far-reaching effects of the simultaneous denial and appropriation of my womanhood and of my sexual response.  And most people, I've learned, don't want to know, because it interferes with their ideas of themselves as good, accepting, liberal people.  My recovery, too, has also required me to distance myself from friends.  Among the many hurts dealt out by my ex's declaration he was "a woman in a man's body" is the damage done to my friendship with the closest long term friend I had.  
  I also have decided that in order to heal fully I will have to move away entirely from the community where I have lived for thirty years.  It's a calculation I've made in favor of my healing, and one that holds even though with time he recedes farther from my consciousness.  It's as if he's now out of the frame of my life, but living in a town where I may encounter him or see his car on the road or a parking lot, and where we had or have friends in common means he may be out of the frame, but he still lurks around the edges.  
  If you're still making a decision about moving, and wondering whether it's necessary, it might be a good idea not to be looking him up on Facebook, so you can see how much he intrudes into your life and thoughts.  That is a way to sever the link further without  moving.