Posted by Virion  August 31, 2020 7:49 am | #1 |
My husband came out as gay in March after a depressive/suicidal episode with my support.He had been watching gay porn only and had had gay encounters up to our getting together 10 years ago
We have 4 children , a good relationship otherwise and we want to stay together ,I thought he wanted a MOM but he does not as he believes other partners would destroy it , he told all relevant people in our lives and workmates about his sexuality , then changed his mind and went back in !
Things are much better between us , and he is much happier in life, however I have completely lost my libido to the point where i have absolutely no interest in him ( OR ANY OTHER MAN) sexually and avoid avoid avoid sex , I cant bear it anymore
He understands , he cannot get an erection with me anyway ( for 3years- blamed medication) so no change there , but I am very afraid today that this is going to kill what is left of our marriage which we both desperately want to save, he is getting sexually frustrated and irritable
Did this happen to anyone else ??
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Posted by Blue Bear August 31, 2020 11:59 am | #2 |
No, this did not happen with me. However, ask yourself if you are ok remaining in a marriage where someone lied to you about something that is unacceptable to you — he’s gay. Would you have married him if you had known this? (I think they all know about their same-sex attraction at a very early age but are too cowardly to acknowledge it.) Are you ok being in a marriage where you “can’t bear” avoiding sex any more? Are you ok being with a husband who is sexually frustrated and irritable because he married a straight woman who he is not attracted to?
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Posted by Ellexoh_nz August 31, 2020 4:20 pm | #3 |
Virion wrote:
My husband came out as gay in March after a depressive/suicidal episode with my support.He had been watching gay porn only and had had gay encounters up to our getting together 10 years ago I've known my partner is bisexual for 15 years. We had an open r'ship for 4 years, which was the start (for me) of killing the bond we had. His porn-watching & Literotica-reading...I hated the fact he did this
We have 4 children , a good relationship otherwise and we want to stay together ,I thought he wanted a MOM but he does not as he believes other partners would destroy it We have 4 children too (adults) and staying together seems to be our future. My partner suggested he have other partners but I know it would destroy us so said No Way., he told all relevant people in our lives and workmates about his sexuality , then changed his mind and went back in ! My partner tells nobody....except me, and I tell close-to-me people because there's only room for one in his closet as far as I'm concerned and I get claustrophobic
Things are much better between us , and he is much happier in life, however I have completely lost my libido to the point where i have absolutely no interest in him ( OR ANY OTHER MAN) sexually and avoid avoid avoid sex , I cant bear it anymore Back in January I told my partner "I don't want sex with you....in fact I never want sex with ANYONE EVER AGAIN" so from then....no sex, and I feel great. I have Crohns and it seems to have settled it down....not with the added sextimes. I also have an issue with my neck & shoulders which began to make sex uncomfortable.
So...since January, no sex. I'm fine with it. He can't be but now doesn't talk about it. He made our r'ship about sex SO often. Not loving sex between 2 people together for 35 years but titillating, raw sex to make him feel that sexually he was doing/getting it all. I realise much of the titillation for him was in saying/typing the words but y'know I just felt fucking totally left behind. Like....he would email this stuff to me, not look me in the eye and say it. Then complain he thought *I* thought it was all disgusting. I mean wtf!!!
He understands , he cannot get an erection with me anyway ( for 3years- blamed medication) so no change there , but I am very afraid today that this is going to kill what is left of our marriage which we both desperately want to save, he is getting sexually frustrated and irritable
Did this happen to anyone else ??
Woah!....lol....I haven't felt like contributing to the Forum for a while...but then I saw your thread Virion and even though I'm okay with no-sex and you wish to find answers/advice I felt it was relevant
Elle
KIA KAHA
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Posted by lily August 31, 2020 5:01 pm | #4 |
you are stuck in a situation where you don't want to have sex with the man you are bonded with - heart and loins don't combine.
Your idea of opening up the marriage at least had some hope in it! at least you are thinking maybe we can find other partners.
but it sounds like he wants you to stay - for my ex it wasn't me he wanted, it was what I represented for him - it's the closet that gives him what he wants.
