OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / He finally admitted he’s Gay

**Posted by HoldingOn** August 21, 2020 5:38 pm

Never wanted to write this post 😞 18 months go my husband shared that he thinks he’s bisexual. He wanted to try to live two lives... give open marriage or polyamory a try. We did it for a while... it was a little bandaid to the reality. Our hearts couldn’t do it... I knew he wasn’t telling me the real truth. I asked to please be honest,... I don’t think he’s Bi. He confirmed it.

So, I’m 5 days in. Even though I figured this time might come... I’m hurt, sad, disappointed, worried, scared,. All of it. I have no idea what the future holds but I know it can’t include us being married anymore, we’ve been together 15 years... 4 beautiful young kids... just heartbroken 💔.

I’m reading these posts non stop and just wanted to say to everyone that I’m appreciative and it’s helping to hear from kind people that understand.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** August 21, 2020 7:06 pm

HoldingOn wrote:
......... just heartbroken 💔.........

Welcome to our Forum Holding I have 4 children also but they were adults when my bisexual partner..... (I knew he was bi, accepted it naively as something that would always be between us, even though we had an open r'ship for 4 years until slowly I realised he was mostly thinking of himself and his needs)....suggested I allow him at least one day a month to satisfy his bi-side. I said no, my life turned upside down and I realise now if I'd been stronger 4 years ago I would have left him then. But I stayed, I never thought of myself as co-dependent til this all happened and now with the Covid beast....I feel more trapped than ever.

Do you have people to talk to. This is important. Family, friends....you can't do this alone. Your husband is able to do this alone because he probably won't want anybody else to know and telling you his secret will keep you captive unless you tell a confidante, friend or family member.

Have you read the First Aid Kit at the top of the General Board?

Elle

**Posted by Daryl** August 21, 2020 7:26 pm

None of us ever wanted to be here but you are among friends. I second what Ellexoh said. Find someone who will listen. Someone who will mourn with you and also remind you that you are stronger than you think and can make it. Someone who will have your back even if they've never experienced this particular pain. As for the future, there's no standard path or pace. Take it at your own speed. Big steps or little, it doesn't matter as long as you are moving forward. Come back here as often as you need, ask questions, vent, draw out any pearls of advice you find from what others have to say. You will get through this.

**Posted by HoldingOn** August 21, 2020 7:30 pm

Thank you for the response. I asked him if I could finally tell my best friend, and he said yes. For the last year had a half he asked me not to say anything. That was hard. I will tell her soon. I also am connected with a therapist, I start Monday. Hopefully if anything go help organize my thoughts and priorities.

I will read the first aid kit, thank you 💕

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** August 21, 2020 8:01 pm

HoldingOn wrote:
....... I asked him if I could finally tell my best friend, and he said yes. For the last year had a half he asked me not to say anything. That was hard....... 💕

This is your husband's Mindfuck. Not yours. You have every right to tell who and when you want. I know that telling others of your situation will be something you think long and hard about....but don't let your husband tell you how to live this. It's not up to him. This is your life. You actually don't even have to tell him who you tell.

So happy you have a therapist

**Posted by HoldingOn** August 21, 2020 8:45 pm

I agree, and I know I have a right to tell anyone. I feel completely loyal to him as his wife, I’m someone who he can trust... and if he is going though the hardest time in his life I wanted to stand by him. It’s it right? Probably not, but I put his heart before mine and I’d do it again if it helps him accept himself for who he is. I know I need to unpack my heart... I’m terrified to do it tbh. I think I’m in survival mom mode... take immediate care of all and everyone around me, I’ll get to me eventually.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** August 21, 2020 9:35 pm

HoldingOn wrote:
......... I think I’m in survival mom mode... take immediate care of all and everyone around me, I’ll get to me eventually.

Ahh you sound like many of us.....used to putting everybody else in our lives first because, as mothers, it's what we do. It will put a strain on everything in your day though. Every moment will be tinged with "Wtf is happening to my safe world?" But you don't have time to dwell on it as you rush between the points in your busy day
Well from experience...when you step forward as the answer to everyone's problem they will expect you to solve it but really that's only relevant to your children. Your husband is an adult, he made the decision to ask you to be okay with his going beyond the monogamous boundary and because you were okay with (I know, I know...with reservations) it's put the onus on you.

I no longer have sex with my partner. How's your sex life Holding?

:hugs:

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (August 29, 2020 2:11 pm)

**Posted by HoldingOn** August 21, 2020 10:00 pm

I think once I speak to my therapist and my friend a burden will lift some, I hope anyway.

I think my sex life ended 5 days ago. During the “bi” open phase, if became more and more strained.. and now knowing the truth I don’t think I could nor want to again.

Ugh. Everything about this sucks. Thanks for the Hugs ❤️

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** August 21, 2020 10:03 pm

Get tested for STIs.

!@#$!!!

**Posted by HoldingOn** August 21, 2020 10:08 pm

I will. I did at the beginning of the year, but I’ll go again.