OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Are any men/people truly 100% straight?

**Posted by lily** January 28, 2020 11:32 am

Watching lesbian porn is a very strong indication that it is women she is interested in.

I think you are being wise, Nada to keep your eyes open and work out what is happening in your marriage.

and yes it is traumatic, very painful - entirely normal response!

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** January 28, 2020 12:33 pm

UserNada wrote:
.....
I want to move forward with her. I cannot perfectly control how I react (usually very viscerally) to this information and its implications. I am trying, though.

So Nada....this is where you start moving forward.Sometimes for every 1 steps forward you may take 2 back..but keep moving forward because the strength in all this is not standing still

Elle

**Posted by Steve** January 28, 2020 2:31 pm

Yeah i shouldn’t have put in the ‘big boy pants’ part. Too easy for it to be taken the wrong way.

Anyway...

There are people on this forum who think that as soon as there is the slightest whiff of bisexual smoke that you should burn your house down and run for the hills. That is their opinion or their experience but it is not everyone’s.

Your wife has admitted to having a fantasy and you are extrapolating that to ‘one day she’s going to leave me’. All I can tell you in response to that is that millions of women fantasize about all sorts of things every day and DON’T leave. Sometimes this view doesn’t mesh well with the moral panic that is evident on this forum sometimes.

It was a fantasy and human sexuality is complicated. If she loves you and you love her think very carefully before you throw it all away over a fantasy.

Just my opinion.

(I tried to search the board for more of your story but due to it not being very searchable and my being on my phone I couldn’t find much)

**Posted by lily** January 28, 2020 3:16 pm

you know what Steve - watching lesbian porn is not a fantasy. Imagining you are watching it would be a fantasy.

Imagining what you'd like to do is a sexual fantasy, who you'd like to do it with is an indication of preference.

I have had some pretty exciting fantasises about doing it with a man but never once thought of doing it with a woman and I believe this is the norm amongst straight women.

**Posted by Steve** January 28, 2020 3:21 pm

So if I watch an orgy in porn I’ve actually been in an orgy?

Interesting

Unfortunately if a straight woman on here admitted she had an occasional lesbian fantasy she’d be told she wasn’t straight. I know how it works.

It entirely depends on what you believe it means to be ‘straight’. If being ‘straight’ means that a bisexual or lesbian thought has never dared enter your head then yes... you are correct. That’s how ‘straight’ women think.

Last edited by Steve (January 28, 2020 3:32 pm)

**Posted by lily** January 28, 2020 7:19 pm

No of course you haven't. You have been watching a film.

Do you seriously think we are hiding our lesbian thoughts and sexual fantasies? Are you harbouring homosexual thoughts and fantasies? well are you? Do you ever think wow Brad Pitt, he can have me any day of the week, .. and I know just what I want him to do..

well you know what, I have never fantasised about Brad Pitt either but I have never fantasised about any woman either. I can appreciate another woman's beauty, I can love a woman friend but no, I have no thoughts of fancying her at all.

not to say I don't feel respect for a lesbian if she does me the honour of showing she is interested, but I'm just not reciprocal on that level. It feels like such a mismatch.

**Posted by Whirligig** January 28, 2020 8:06 pm

Kind of the definition of straight is that you aren't interested in the same sex. Not sure how that equals a moral panic. It's pretty much the whole reason the boards exist. We exist. We've had issues with same-sex attracted GID people in intimate relationships who have lied to and hurt us and need support. It's why we are here. Sorry if that's a shock. If you have no problem with your partner being bi, or pan, trans or whatever then good for you. Carry on. It doesn't mean UserNada has to feel the same. His wife may be a perfectly nice woman who will never want anyone but him despite being bi-sexual. That doesn't mean he's not allowed to have concerns. The MOM section might offer him more in terms of advice and support from those trying to make it work but that's kind of why it's there too. Doesn't seem particularly controversial to me.

**Posted by Steve** January 28, 2020 9:48 pm

Awww c’mon... you’d have sex with Brad Pitt. You’re not fooling me for a second.

Last edited by Steve (January 29, 2020 2:50 am)

**Posted by Steve** January 28, 2020 10:17 pm

I’m standing by what I’ve said. Sexuality is complicated and is becoming more so as bisexuality and homosexuality become more widely accepted.

It’s not a black and white world any more (it actually never was) and I know that sucks for people who find it easier or more convenient to live in a world of moral absolutes. A world where there’s just two teams... straight or gay.

Fact is there’s a real world out there. A grey world. A world where some people fantasize and might even experiment. Statistically this is especially true for young women. https://www.thecut.com/2016/06/americans-are-sexually-experimenting-more.html

So what cha gonna do Straight Spouse Network Public Forum? Throw every marriage under the bus as soon as someone admits to a fantasy??

I’m as mad as you are about cheating, deception, gaslighting, unsafe sex on the down-low. But fantasies?!? I mean jeez... how you gonna test for that??

Last edited by Steve (January 28, 2020 10:40 pm)

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** January 28, 2020 11:04 pm

There's a lot about this story I don't understand. Whose idea was the porn? Was it mutual? Was it individual?
There's also something about this story I don't like, and that is the husband telling the wife what her sexual orientation is. I figured it out, he says. I told her, he says. And now he says, I don't like what I decided she is and worry that now that I've told her what she is I worry about her leaving me someday.
This is not to shit on anyone who has been trying to figure out how to explain their spouse's actions and the crappy state of their marriage. I just don't get that vibe from this particular story.
And by the way, arousal studies carried out by psychologists (they measure blood flow to the genitals) have in fact demonstrated that more women than men who are aroused by same sex erotica in addition to opposite sex erotica. Doesn't mean such women swing both ways. Or are closet lesbians. Or will up and leave their spouses in ten years.