OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / It happened to me.

**Posted by JonathanL** November 3, 2019 9:35 am

My wife came out as gay last night. We have been married for 13 years and have 3 kids together. Part of me had an idea for awhile. She told me she was bi 2 years ago. Then it just kind of went away until it was brought up again two weeks ago. Then last night she tells me that she's gay. She has been my only friend for 5 years since my Dad died. I have a hard time making friends and essentially shut out my entire family. Not that I hate my entire family, but I never allowed myself to get close to anyone other than my wife and my Dad. Now my wife is gone and I don't know how to live my life. I have allowed myself to become codependent. I've gotten up to 350 pounds and feel like will never have love again. I attempted suicide two years ago and ended up in a mental institution. She was there with me the whole step of the way. I 'm just lost. She wants me to stay here until I get myself together enough to be a human again, but part of me feels like I will never be able to do that while I still have daily contact with her. But the thought of no contact is terrifying. I don't know what to do. I have spoken with some family and I have a place to go, but I will just be a burden on them I feel. I have too many health problems to get a normal job atm. I have not been out of my house in months. I'm so lost.

**Posted by lily** November 3, 2019 4:53 pm

Hi Johnathan,

well I guess my take on it is that recognising you are feeling lost is a good place to start from. And that is why I am writing because when I read your post I thought maybe this is you making your first steps. Hope so and wishing you much good fortune.

When it comes to moving anywhere, though I agree with the part of you that wants to be away from her I also think there's a lot more that needs to be sorted before you do and some time for you to think about what needs to happen for your family.

all the best, Lily

**Posted by Rob** November 3, 2019 5:27 pm

Jonathan,

You have your kids.. They will need you..maybe not now but later in life..
You feel lost for now. But it neednt be forever. Build a support system ..start one small,step at a time. We are worth so much more than these spouses.

**Posted by Julian_Stone** November 3, 2019 7:14 pm

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Jonathan. I just wanted to second what Rob said: Your kids need you. I know everything seems so hopeless right now (your world's just been turned upside down), but you need to focus on yourself. Allow yourself time to grieve, but take hold of the little things that bring you joy — whether that's reading a book, watching a mindless comedy, or spending time with your children. Seeing a therapist might help...I think talking through the pain helps...even just typing things out helps me. Some therapists will do sessions over Skype even (I have no experience with this, personally, but maybe someone here does). All is not lost.

Hang in there,
J