A glimmer of light here....

In some of my posts I’ve expressed the various challenges I’ve had getting my son through this journey  while handling the teenage years.  He was 11 on DDay and in sixth grade,  and is now a senior in high school and 17. He had some learning challenges diagnosed in 1st grade  and received special ed services for math and writing since.   Up to D day I was on top of his education. As all here can imagine, between the bomb shock, navigating the divorce, split custody, and his own anger and grief of the divorce, and the normal issues with teenage struggles for independence,  simply the logistics of keeping on top of his education effectively  was a very difficult endeavor if not impossible to do at the level pre-divorce.

Also since D day, I navigated the divorce while my ex activated her gay love life while still married, I divorced and then dated, met and married a lovely woman that everyone in my circle except my son has fully embraced, and am currently setting up a new household. He kicked and screamed about me even dating anyone, acted out when I got serious about my now wife, and refused to attend my wedding.  Through all this my ex was inappropriately empathetic to his concerns about my love life to the extent that I felt they became a cabal against me. I thought hard about whether to consider his input on marriage, and whether to marry before or after he left home,  but I felt marrying and setting up a new home before he launched, especially with the love and worldview my wife and I share, would be best for all of our children ( son, daughter, and wife’s son).  We have insights and values we wish to share with our kids and we felt doing that effectively would take a home and marriage, not just dating, and we wanted them to see what a healthy relationship and marriage can look like with all its joys, conflicts, and challenges. 

Long and short of it, after ignoring my input on the importance of grades ( which are not sufficient for the program my son is  interested in) and ignoring my offer of assistance and resources( tutoring, Linda Mood- Bell, etc) he’s finally realized his under prioritization of academics may cost him immediate entry into any four year college program. ( Note he has been productive and prodigious with his extracurricular activities and built quite a resume for a high schooler working in theatre tech and established himself with a key mentor in his area of interest and has avoided any destructive behavior with drugs, alcohol,  vaping, or sex ).

The essence of my post is that after five years of all this bulkshit ( my term for bull shit because there’s so much of it), he finally reached out to me, humbly, and specifically for help on getting back on track. He has not discussed this problem with his mother because he expects she will be dismissive, angry, and offer little advice. So maybe, just my maybe, I’m not the selfish asshole he thought I was for moving on with life and attempting to build a normal home life before he’s launched.  And maybe, my instincts served me well. 

My son and I are meeting this weekend to identify some plan Bs.  More later...

All the best,

ADSJ