OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Photos

**Posted by StraightSpouse1979** July 30, 2019 6:02 pm

I am behind on making my shutterfly photo books for my daughter. Goal was to make one for each year and I have three. She is five. I am looking at the old photos from the previous years and I think am just numb at this point from always crying. I think to myself. I refuse to take any photos of him with her and put in her books. I know that is wrong but I am sorry he can make his own. I dont want the beautiful photo albums that I make to have photos of him with boobs, long hair, and dumb clothing choices. Is that wrong of me to not want to do that and to eventually they will just me her and me and her?

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** July 30, 2019 6:40 pm

No I don't think it's wrong not to want him in photos, but it may be a good idea to have all photos
with him in kept in a box *somewhere* so when she's older, and understands a bit more.....she'll
still have a record of an earlier time

**Posted by StraightSpouse1979** July 31, 2019 7:40 am

I still keep the photos of my daughter and my husband up, the ones before all of this. They are the only ones. Photos of us or us and other friends have long been taken down and boxed up. I just feel once the last books are caught up, any photos he wants to take of him and her he can but they wont be hung up in the house. We have separate rooms so he can hang them all he wants in his room.

**Posted by a_dads_straight_journey** July 31, 2019 8:40 am

SS1979
You are doing the right thing with the photos. It keeps boundaries intact of both time and space. He crossed a boundary by changing the unchangeable terms of the marriage ( you thought you married a man). Especially, as you are constrained to live in one house, it’s completely appropriate to do what you are doing to maintain your sense of self.

I packed all the old photos in boxes and put them in a closet when my ex left. Ironically, I just moved them into the basement of the new house and noticed the boxes accumulated mold in storage. There seems to be some karma in that. I’d like to get rid of them, but they are part of my life story, and destroying them strikes me as denial of my past. Boxing them puts them in the past.

Hang in there...you are doing something more taxing and extraordinary than you may realize now by cohabitating. When you are out of it, you will see how demanding it actually was. Take good care of your self first, then your daughter.

Wishing you strength and courage, and some joy and laughter from friends.

ADSJ

Last edited by a_dads_straight_journey (July 31, 2019 8:41 am)