OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Pride Month

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** June 2, 2019 6:56 pm

Stronger,
I don't know about you, but I have a much easier time with women who decide they want to live as men than I do with men who decide the want to live as women. I've decided this is because girls/women are usually fleeing the toxic expectations laid on girls to be sex toys, while men who want to become women are so often rushing to objectify themselves and become a sex toy.

**Posted by walkbymyself** June 3, 2019 12:36 pm

Here's why I don't buy into it, at least as far as my STBX is concerned: I know for a fact that even when he goes off with his gay boyfriend, he's lining up sex in secret on the side.

So you need a libretto to keep track of it, but he's cheating on the guy he's already cheating on me with.

He's not doing the double-life because he's a closeted gay. He's doing all this because he gets a thrill out of cheating.

**Posted by Rob** June 4, 2019 7:15 am

walkbymyself wrote:
Here's why I don't buy into it, at least as far as my STBX is concerned: I know for a fact that even when he goes off with his gay boyfriend, he's lining up sex in secret on the side.

So you need a libretto to keep track of it, but he's cheating on the guy he's already cheating on me with.

He's not doing the double-life because he's a closeted gay. He's doing all this because he gets a thrill out of cheating.

Therin lies the issue with these gay spouses..what good is their word? If they say they are going out for a gallon of milk are they getting milk or having sex? Why should we have to wonder...i just couldn't do it..i couldnt figure out when my GX was telling the truth and when she was lying/plotting/scheming. It confounds me how she and her girlfriend (who also was a closet lesbian and broke up a straight marriage) can believe each other's words.. Not my problem anymore..i thank God everyday and surround my self with honest people who mean what they say and have no hidden agenda.

**Posted by walkbymyself** June 4, 2019 2:22 pm

Rob, boy oh boy are you on the money there.

We are trying to hash out our divorce, and even simple little things like him wanting to pay down debt -- I can't just simply take his word for it that the debt is what he claims it is. It makes me appear to be so petty -- but he has lied so much for so long about so many things; I am no longer able to just rely on his word for anything. He says "our" expenses exceed "our" income and we need to cash out some of our 401K's to pay it off, but at the same time I caught him making ATM withdrawals of $440 over two days last weekend, and I can document that he was actively soliciting sex for money, all weekend. And while I know we need to keep our expenses down, it just burns to have to cash out retirement money to pay for his sex life.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** June 4, 2019 3:05 pm

walkby,
Have you asked your lawyer/solicitor about protecting yourself financially? You should not be on the hook for his sexcapades!

**Posted by Abby** June 4, 2019 3:29 pm

Walkbymyself, the 401Ks are in your individual names, right? If so he can't access yours unless YOU do it. There could be taxes due if you cash them in so you should be able to stall him by telling him you need to check into that. Then don't do it.

I suggest that you get copies of your credit reports to see what show up as your debts. If you are in the U.S. here is the link explaining how to do this for free:

https://www.ftc.gov/faq/consumer-protection/get-my-free-credit-report

I also suggest setting up accounts in your name only and depositing some of your earnings so you have a nest egg. In a divorce all assets will be looked at but if they are gone, they're gone. Even if your spouse is obligated to repay you don't hold your breath on getting the money.

Definitely get a lawyer to develop a long-term plan to protect yourself financially. Knowledge is power.

**Posted by Rob** June 5, 2019 12:13 am

Walk,

Yeah, i payed the charge bill which was in her name..hotel rooms and sex toys and all. I payed all bills up until the divorce was final. With the divorce final I was not legally bound to directly pay her debts. Your stbx needs to learn how a divorce works.

The charge cards and savings were declared in the settlement.. Equal balances at the time so even debt. If she chose to drive up the balance on her card to infinity the settlement still said I was responsible for just my card debt.

If you don't trust him I and a lawyer would advise take half of the savings now and park it at your lawyers office. Make sure the settlement says what debts he is responsible for..normally half ..

Sadly there is no "our" money anymore..there is only halves and a gay spouse spending away. The financials really show how out of touch with reality they are. If he takes money out of the 401k you are entitled to half. If he wont give you half you need a lawyer to ask him for half ..the 401k is simple another asset..total value declared.

There are no financial winners..TGT is an expensive emergency that requires one to protect themselves and the kids. There is little trust ..how much of 'our' money did they spend on TGT or loan their gay lover...in no world is that them looking out for the kids.

**Posted by walkbymyself** June 5, 2019 1:58 pm

I have definitely flagged this for my lawyer. There is absolutely no way my retirement resources are going to get raided to pay for his sex life.