OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / to fbarcola

**Posted by lily** March 23, 2019 11:35 pm

thanks for posting your story. It's sort of vindicating for me because I am always keen that the husbands of lesbians wanting a divorce should go the extra yard and take a close look at the truth of the woman who is divorcing them and not just keep saying how much they love each other.

I mean it sure puts you in your place that she is prepared to play nice with you after the divorce while you are pining for her but as soon as you make forward progress in your life she is ghosting you. i.e. she was neither your lover nor your friend.

There is no reciprocation and never was. you've been had, in the break up as much as in the marriage, and it is in recognising that that the hurt stops because you are no longer vulnerable to them.

You have built a whole new life and you have what it takes to face up to what's happening in yourself and came here when you needed to. Kudos to you.

wishing you all the best, Lily

**Posted by fbarcola** March 24, 2019 4:00 pm

Lily - I'm afraid that's not quite true. She was both lover and friend for a long, long time. Her ghosting me I think has more to do with burying what she can't have, a reaction against "compulsory heterosexuality" (*a think for lesbians, notso much for dudes), wanting to put baggage behind her.

. . . while I my represent all of those things, I'm not any of them - I'm just me.

**Posted by lily** March 24, 2019 5:05 pm

"I'm hurting as much now as when she just left"

that says something, fbarcola - my first thought is that when you were breaking up she was saying how much she loved you and you believed it and weren't angry with her and have held onto it all these years despite the evidence she points to in her email - that she's been ghosting you.

would you have done that to her?

trying to draw a line where what she does or thinks or feels is inconsequential to you and believing in a love between you are incompatible.

did you reply to her email? might be a whole lot more useful than anything else.