OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Do I tell him how I feel?

**Posted by Rob** January 23, 2019 10:45 pm

Shan13,

Did not shed a tear...
No they will not shed a tear for us. The indifference/lack of empathy can hit you like a bus and seem demonic. This is the true them.. this is who they are. This is the difference between us and them. We could never do this to someone.

Who does he think he is..
Some of them think they are Gods or omnipotent beings.. Some think they can rewrite the past like Dr. Who.

".. can’t do it alone again..."
No you should not do it alone.. build a support system. God may not take the form of angels with wings but does take the form of lawyer, therapist, psychiatrist, friends, family etc.

I found there was no profit in telling my GX off... she would welcome a fight...rage or silence were her primary methods to interact with me.. I preferred the silence. I can look back now and say I was kind.. I was not cruel and did not become like her. I think yes, using anger to help build your life is best. Talking it out with a therapist helps.

PS; I did the separate rooms ....felt so much safer not being in the room with her (and her girlfriend on the phone). It is a physical feeling being around them of fear, distrust, hurt. It was not me leaving her, it was her rejecting me.

Last edited by Rob (January 23, 2019 10:47 pm)

**Posted by walkbymyself** January 24, 2019 1:07 pm

I'm angry. I'm not going to be fighting my own feelings on top of everything else that's going on.

**Posted by Shan13** January 24, 2019 5:56 pm

Well as calmly as I could I told him how much it hurt and how anrgy I was for me and the kids, he shrugged at me that was my response... I needed more! My head is spinning about how far betrayal goes! All I get is I don’t know, I’m confused, he has done the whole I loved you so much, you’re so beautiful you will find someone else, nothing was fake I do love you I’m just confused! EVERYTHING WAS FAKE AND I HAVE NO TRUST! THATS NOT LOVE!!!

**Posted by control** January 24, 2019 11:19 pm

Walk & Shan-

I hear you! I am angry as hell. This was all fake. No one who loves a spouse & their children/grandchildren could ever intentionally put all this hurt and betrayal on them. my GH is crying occasionally saying still how he loves & is attracted to me, but has these same sex desires to be with men too. And continues to claim he hasn't acted outside our marriage which I have always doubted. I am hurt, my kids are hurt. We live in the same house, separately for now while finances & business transactions are being worked through.

I get very verbal with him, especially when I'm angry which I have been since early Oct when he confirmed his same sex attraction. he also has sexual addiction issues he refuses to admit (actually he admits the behavior, just not that its an issue). Well let me say this, masturbating in public parking lots is A Problem!!! According to him, his therapist told him he was acting out because of his repressed gay desires. Ha. Don't bet most people with gay desires resort to that kind of inappropriate behavior!

Anyway he is in a prominent position in a business, is a nice looking 50+ yr old, and by appearances would be a top notch husband & father. If only walls could tell the stories of these weak, confused or maybe not confused narcissistic A-holes that choose to do this to their spouse, families & anyone else they know who has no idea the type of person they are dealing with, I think many people would be in shock! Or in my case maybe people wouldn't be too shocked because of how gay he really is outwardly. It is really not the orientation that is so hurtful but the willingness to lie & live a secret life knowing full well what it will do to the spouse & kids when it comes out. But this crying BS acting as if he loves me & is attracted to me is really pissing me off. I want to say just grow a pair & move on if you are so desiring to be with men. No reason to keep things in limbo. And that's really where my life has always been with him, I guess is limbo. It sure wasn't in a relationship where we were both fully committed to each other!!!

yes! I AM ANGRY AND I WILL CONTINUE TO TELL HIM HOW SORRY HE IS FOR HAVING IT INSIDE HIM TO DO ALL THIS TO ME AND OUR KIDS! And I guess I'll continue like this until the situation is such that we are separate for good! And luckily I have so much support from my kids. That's what keeps me going daily!

Hang on everyone!!!

**Posted by Shan13** January 25, 2019 5:47 am

He’s claiming not to be gay again, just has the desire and doesn’t want any man to touch him at all... he was on Grindr and got curious and went to a gay bar, said some guy grabbed him and he freaked out, didn’t like it and left! I’m all he wants and says he has f**ked up and lost everything! I can’t trust a single thing he says but it still confuses my head! The roller coaster of emotions is exhausting!

Thanks for the support from everyone... it really does help!

**Posted by Shan13** January 26, 2019 5:02 pm

Sooooo the truth has come out, he is gay and the guy at the bar he planned to meet him on Grindr and got a blowjob! This is what he has told me, god knows what actually happened... but that was enough for me! The string has been cut, no more what ifs... we will never be together again... I’m on such a high, I was so happy, I feel free... don’t think the roller coaster of emotions have finished yet, hope I don’t crash to hard!

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** January 26, 2019 6:25 pm

Shan13 wrote:
Sooooo the truth has come out........ I’m on such a high, I was so happy, I feel free... don’t think the roller coaster of emotions have finished yet, hope I don’t crash to hard!

Yeah...as long as you know you're on a rollercoaster of emotion
you'll know to be gentle with yourself *hugs*

**Posted by Shan13** January 26, 2019 8:53 pm

Yeah true! 1 blow job just turned into 3 and 1 sexual encounter hahahahaha all I could do was laugh! Then I told him right off and what I think of people that can just use other people like that! I feel free! And in control of my life for the first time ever! I’m going to crash so hard from this high...

**Posted by walkbymyself** January 27, 2019 11:16 am

Shan, hang in there. Since absolutely every foundation of my life turned out to be fake, I've learned to question a lot of conventional wisdom and commonly held assumptions, and one of the things I'm questioning is this idea that I should "get over" my anger. Everybody repeats that but nobody seems to be able to explain how it benefits me.

I forgave my husband in 2006, and was willing to move on and be a nice loving doormat, and he just turned around and spent the next twelve years cheating on me prolifically. So the same people who would have urged me to "forgive and forget" are now the people who are shaking their heads wondering how I could have been so gullible.

There's no shortage of people out there who are willing to explain to you what you're doing wrong, especially if they've never been in your position. You know what's good about me being angry? Well, depression is anger turned inward, so it's keeping me from punishing myself. Another good thing about anger? I'm too mad to commit suicide, because if I commit suicide my husband would be relieved of having to pay me spousal support, and since that's likely to be the ONLY consequence he ever suffers for what he did to me, I'm not going to let him off the hook, even if it means I have to go on living.

Well, I suppose one other consequence to him is that his daughter wants nothing whatsoever to do with him.

**Posted by Shan13** January 27, 2019 5:54 pm

I guess that’s the fine line we have to walk in letting the anger drive us to be better and not let it eat us alive! Be strong! I’m trying x