OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Mental monomogy

**Posted by Kel** August 26, 2016 9:11 pm

I saw the following line in an article about the harmful affects of porn, but it really does apply to so many of our situations:

"Marriage requires monogamy, and monogamy should be mental as well as physical."

Kel

**Posted by Rob** August 27, 2016 6:54 am

The lezex had checked out of the marriage early in the affair process with an emotional affair with her girfriend..
The texting spiraled out of control and turned into sexting mixed in with texts..at the dinner table, in bed, in the bathroom ...24x7.
Pleads to stop were met with logic like "all my friends work during the day, this is the only time I can talk to them"(10pm to 2am, 6pm to 10pm).
Always a final text and an I love you to her girlfriend at 2am.

Pleads from me for conversation ..not even sex ...we're met with "go to sleep ..leave me alone, let me sleep". If I cried or asked more I got rage.

Porn...I possibly could have competed with that...but a live whore friend on the other end of her phone to talk dirty to all night and all day 24x7...no..I could not compete. (And yeah I knew I shouldn't have to compete with anything or anyone).

Last edited by Rob (August 27, 2016 7:00 am)

**Posted by WendiT** August 27, 2016 8:36 am

One Sunday I returned from mass (I was a teen at the time and raised Catholic) with my folks and the sermon had been about lust and how one should keep that lust for ones spouse and that lusting outside of your marriage was opening the door to temptation. My Dad humorously talked about the sermon, pronounced teasingly and lovingly that he had only lust and lots of it for Mom and then he wrote I very clever poem to her about his lust. He was a hard worker who usually did not have time to play so when he showed those moments of himself it was always memorable. While not perfect, my folks marriage was a long one full of healthy loving lust for one another.

The message was clear though that "where thoughts go energy flows".

This is probably also why porn can lead some to wrong places or being disconnected from their partners and from the simplicity of good sex.

Last edited by WendiT (August 27, 2016 8:37 am)

**Posted by Dee** August 27, 2016 8:37 am

Absolutely love this, and imo, so true.

**Posted by whatasham24** August 27, 2016 5:37 pm

So very true Kel. I think it's actually more hurtful than physical lust. I'm really having a tough time reconciling the reality that my husband of 25 years didn't think I was worthy of any honesty & that he really never did lust after me, both physically & emotionally. I'm such an open book with my feelings that I always assumed I was getting the truth in return. Putting all the pieces & online evidence together, I see how he shared the biggest part of himself with a network & friends, completely outside of our nucleus & in a way that was drastically uncharacteristic of what I had always known about him. He wasn't the "strong silent type" I respected & loved so much, he just didn't really enjoy being around me to the point he referred to spending time with his family as "being in jail" to one of his online friends. This is the part that leaves me so depressed & heart broken. The feelings of worthlessness keep mounting everyday.

**Posted by AnneG** August 28, 2016 8:52 pm

whatasham24, my ex was the same way, although it took me decades to see it. I always had him on a pedestal, thinking he was a wonderful man of high integrity. For years I ignored the obvious - the subtle emotional abuse and the obvious as well. After doing a lot of research and therapy I believe he has narcissistic personality disorder of a very covert nature. He's an extreme introvert and flies under the radar but has a high-level position at work. I kept believing in what he said rather than grasping that what he did was nasty and painful to me. It's called cognitive dissonance. He's never apologized for anything and is still in the closet so I'm still blamed for ending our marriage.
You are not worthless but he wanted you to think that. By putting you down he felt stronger. And it's deliberate. There's a special place in hell for people like that.