Posted by JJ1966  August 20, 2016 6:22 pm | #1 |
Tell me that my husband and best friend would not choose another man over his wife. Tell me that this hasn't all been a lie....??? Is it so wrong to wish I never found out? The pain seems never ending. The lies...betrayal....cheating...all our plans...were they really just a way to keep me in the dark? While I worked he had them in my home...in our bed? It is so surreal....He knew before we married...he knew and used me as a paycheck for months on end to support him when he would quit his job on a whim with no notice. He would sit at home for months on end....waiting for me to leave for work so his playmates could come by...? How could I be SO stupid? No, I don't expect pity I just needed a second to rant.....LOL,
Go not quietly into that great, good night......Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
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Posted by Rob August 20, 2016 7:25 pm | #2 |
Understand your rant. The betrayal is a shock...these spouses at some point thought so little of us.. I still miss the person my ex wife was. Its been a bad dream..a nightmare..sadly true though..
It's surreal. It reminds me of this song from the blood brothers musical;
Tell me it's not true
Say it's just a story
Something on the news
Tell me it's not true
Though it's here before me
Say it's just a dream
Say it's just a scene
From an old movie of years ago
From an old movie of Marilyn Monroe.
Say it's just some clowns
Two players in the limelight
And bring the curtain down
Say it's just two clowns
Who couldn't get their lines right
Say it's just a show
On the radio
That we can turn over and start again
That we can turn over; it's only a game.
Tell me it's not true
Say I only dreamed it
And morning will come soon
Tell me it's not true
Say you didn't mean it
Say it's just pretend
Say it's just the end
Of an old movie from years ago
From an old movie with Marilyn Monroe.
Tell me it's not true
Say you didn't mean it
Say it's just pretend
Say it's just the end
Of an old movie from years ago
From an old movie with Marilyn Monroe.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
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Posted by Still Wondering August 20, 2016 7:28 pm | #3 |
Hi JJ - I'm so sorry you're here. But the good news is that you're not in the dark anymore and it also sounds like you're the one with the good job and the means to support yourself.
I don't know where you are in your journey out of the mess he created but knowing the truth is half of the battle. Maybe even 75%. Gather all of your strength and start to get yourself out of this mess. Keep coming here for support.
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Posted by Dixie August 20, 2016 8:27 pm | #4 |
There are times when I wish I could unknow everything and go back to blissful ignorance. But then I go back to being totally furious at how he treated me and used me in the most selfish and disrespectful way possible. I am then thankful to finally know the truth and to have gotten away from him. It is really painful to understand how little they truly cared for us ... that is far worse than the actual cheating and so on. Anger helps me stand the pain, if that makes any sense.
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Posted by phoenix August 20, 2016 8:45 pm | #5 |
JJ, I feel your pain so vividly. I feel the same sting of lies and betrayal. I have intensely mourned the loss of my hopes and dreams for the future. I know that I need to let go of the love that I feel for my spouse and prepare to move on, but I haven't figured out how to do that yet. Somehow, even though I know now that her love for me was a lie, I still wish I could turn back the clock and return to that naive state of relative happiness.
I've been given some good advice that I would like to share with you. If you find any value in these ideas please use them. If not.. no worries, you will find other ways to find the strength to endure.
1.) When your world is crumbling around you and the earth is shaking there is no value in stressing over what happens 10 steps into the future. The first thing to do is tie down, find a safe place and ride out the tremors. To do this, I was told to make a list of what makes me stable and valuable. My faith, my kids, my job, my skills, my qualities, my love, etc.. I literally wrote it down on a notebook and placed it next to my bed and I read it before sleeping and after waking. This list reminds me what is stable in my life when everything else seems to be shaking. It's why I need to keep going, why I can be strong again in the future.
2.) Get help! I told my boss at work what was going on so that he would understand why I might not be at full strength. They actually put me on disability for two weeks, which was the best thing for me. I went immediately to my Dr. to get drugs for sleep and anti-depressants. They don't take away the grief, but they help keep lack of sleep and anxiety attacks from making things worse.
3.) Get support! Don't keep this secret for your husband. Look out for yourself. Don't feel embarrassed or ashamed because you've done nothing wrong. Gather as many friends and family members as possible to share your grief. There is a principle that when you share your grief with genuine friends they feel it too and the grief is divided rather than multiplied. Share as much as you can think of here on this board. What a blessing this group of people have been to me in just a couple of days here.
I am praying for you. I am crying with you. I feel your pain and I will share it with you.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
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Posted by JJ1966 August 20, 2016 10:17 pm | #6 |
Today has been a better day, on a bad day, I sit and wonder how I could have been so blind? All the times we went to the lake, took road trips......it was all part of his cover. My life has been a dream...there was no time when he was actually mine. It was all a lie, he just tells lie after lie while looking at the proof in his hand. Gas lighting me and telling me it all happened before we married, although his hernia scars from our second year of marriage are clearly in view and the silk boxers I bought him on our 1st anniversary are hanging from the lamp shade. Today is a mercurial kind of day when it all seems so unreal I can almost laugh about it. Then I remember it's all real, and feels like all I have. Memories of Lies.....sounds like it should be a song title.
Go not quietly into that great, good night......Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
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Posted by Rob August 21, 2016 2:18 pm | #7 |
Lostdad,
Good advice..all the right steps. you seem better...
May we all find strength and peace.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
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Posted by JJ1966 August 22, 2016 2:50 pm | #8 |
I don't know about better, just wading thru. Today is an ok day. He's at college class right now, so it's quiet. He goes to college m-t-w-th all afternoon and evenings and works f-s-s 18 hour shifts at least that's what he says.I work six days a week 6-2 come home and handle whatever messy job he didn't want to. I swear I,m on autopilot. But I can't do the mental exhaustion of stressing out all the time. So I guess this is my coping mechanism for now. You guys all hang in there, heads up, one foot in front of the other. God hold you in the light of his love and allow you to rest for a night.
Go not quietly into that great, good night......Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
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Posted by JJ1966 August 27, 2016 10:36 am | #9 |
Tell me I was dreaming
that you didn't leave me here to cry.
You didn't say you don't love me anymore
it was just my imagination telling lies.
Don't tell me you didn't say goodbye.
Travis Tritt
Go not quietly into that great, good night......Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
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Posted by UserNada January 24, 2020 12:39 pm | #10 |
How are things now?
