OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Found grinder on his phone, denies why he downloaded

**Posted by Kaylamarie** May 20, 2018 7:11 am

I was with my boyfriend for 6 years and one night I found grinder on his phone. A gay hookup app. I immediately confronted him and be lied 3 times about it. Finally 2 days later he said he downloaded the app to get advice from other men in regards to gay dreams he was having. He cried and said he had been molested by a neighbor as a child, which I knew about, and he said he was having nightmares related to this. He was crying and saying he's not gay. I had been molested as a child which be knows about so he could have talked to me if he ever was worried. We always had a very active sex life and he complained that we didn't have enough sex. He said that when we had sex the dreams went away. I left him 3 days ago after trying and failing to talk to him. He kept trying to have sex would get mac and sag he knows who he is. It has been 3 days and I have not SPOKEN to him and have stayed with a relative. He has been texting and calling all my family members, but I told him in a text that I would always care for him but that I made up my mind. I feel terrible because I am still I love with him, but I won't get past this and I can't talk to him because he's trying to get me back. I need support please

**Posted by Duped** May 20, 2018 7:58 am

Sorry you find yourself here.

When you’ve been here a while you see the same BS come yp over and over. So of all the support he could have accessed he chose Grindr?? Is he for real? Does he actually think you were born yesterday? Men on Grindr don’t give advice!!! They are there to have no strings attached sex.

Stop listening to him, go no contact or he will continue trying to manipulate and gaslight you.

**Posted by lily** May 20, 2018 11:49 am

well done! goodness you are handling yourself well. congrats. really. I especially like the fact that you recognise you can't talk to him because all he is doing is trying to get you back without actually talking to you at all.

well done. you really are doing well and I predict it won't be long before your love for him becomes experience where you learn more about your capacity to love and how amazing that is - he is likely to look less and less appealing in the rear view mirror.

Don't feel foolish for being fooled. It's just human nature, endearing and vulnerable.

right now there's some waves coming up, it makes you angry frightened sad in turn - you have a good nature, welcome all your feelings and be kind to yourself at all times - you will feel better again.

Wishing you all the best in your future, Lily.

**Posted by Kaylamarie** May 20, 2018 12:15 pm

Thank u so much for your support lily. It's been only 3 days and I feel so sad but I also know this was necessary. I didn't want to cut him out because I still love him deeply, but I can't trust him and he has not respected my request for no contact. I feel stronger having a community to talk to.

**Posted by awake** May 20, 2018 9:05 pm

"he is likely to look less and less appealing in the rear view mirror."
CLASSIC!