OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Recognizing abuse

**Posted by Abby** August 8, 2016 12:03 pm

This is a link to an article about the inability to consider a relationship abusive unless there is threatened or actual physical violence. I hope it helps someone find clarity:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2016/07/15/he-didnt-hit-me-it-was-still-abuse/?tid=a_inl#comments

**Posted by WendiT** August 10, 2016 7:35 pm

This article is a must read!

Thank you for posting this Abby. I am going to cut and paste this article and save in case my daughter or a friend begins to experience psychological abuse. The author explains the grooming process so well. Yes, if he had just physically hit me I would have known to leave immediately. The psychological abuse it so much more illusive to detect. It is also the reason why we believe the lies and question what know to be true.

**Posted by Abby** August 10, 2016 9:30 pm

I found out about this story when it surfaced in a current news story about the violent deaths of parents, their 3 children and the family dog. Police have not released information yet about which parent was the murderer but friends of the wife have said that she planned to leave him and had referred them to this by way of explanation..

Since then there has been another family struck down out in what also appears to be a murder/suicide. There families faced stresses that had nothing to do with gayness but anyone who is planning to leave a spouse or partner who does not want the relationship to end needs to know that the leaving is the most dangerous time and do everything possible to make it as safe as possible

Have the local domestic violence center's number on speed dial, labeled as something else but that you know what it is. Don't meet to talk about anything, Let people who care about you know so they can check on you and offer you help and support.

**Posted by Rob** August 11, 2016 12:17 am

Good article... I didnt think I was abused in my marriage although I can see heaps of narcissism now.
I recall anger about the most minor things.
But once she decided she was gay and wanted out of the marriage..wham ..the abuse was everything short of physical..i lived in physical fear. Always looking for new ways to hurt.

All we can do is flee.