OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Could use some guidance

**Posted by VC12** July 21, 2016 8:00 pm

my husband is gay and refuses to admit it. married 30 plus years. I want to divorce, he does not and of course wants to continue the sharade . I have an attorney to contact but ... before i go any further, does it matter if i have hard evidence or not? i manage all the finances, so i can make copies of all of that easily. What else should i do? He thinks if he buys the house from me, he will get custody of our daughter (15). There are drugs involved as well, his end of course. so much chaos, not sure what end is up any more. any advice would be most welcome

**Posted by Leah** July 22, 2016 7:49 am

Sorry you are here. Doesn't matter if you have proof. A lot of people here just had to decide, which I think is so difficult! You can divorce and if you use mediation or collaborative divorce you can decide together (if it is amicable-ish) I did that here in the UK, and I think it is possible in the USA, but is called something else? Others will be more helpful with that than I.

Best advice is to read a lot here. Some super wise people who are very helpful and have been through this chaotic time themselves.....

Good luck!

**Posted by WendiT** July 22, 2016 9:57 am

In the US every State has different divorce laws. So the answer to your questions (Fault v. No Fault and Custody and Visitation) really depends on which State you live in. Go see that attorney. Bring all your documents with you and make a list of questions. They will be able to give you the best answers for your situation and your State.

Custody decisions involve so many more factors than who keeps the marital home. Don't let you H scare you with his version of the law. Get the straight facts from your attorney.

Good luck!

**Posted by Keepinghope** July 22, 2016 12:39 pm

VC12, if you are sure that you want to divorce, you don't need proof, just begin. I was sure I couldn't live with the continued lies and wondering what he was up to. I found pretty good proof, although he still denied being gay. My gut knew.

He didn't want to divorce at first, but I did. I got it started and in the end he agreed to what I said. (I had the money info too.) In your case, with kids, it will be different. I guess I'm saying you get to choose even if he doesn't want divorce. Move fast before he gets nasty. Talk to an attorney, usually free initial meeting. Go online to find county and state info. Make copies of all documents, keep in a safe place just in case.

You can do this.

**Posted by vc12** July 22, 2016 5:11 pm

Thank you for the feedback. I have an attorney to contact which I will do next week. Will write down all my? and start to make copies of things when i can. Thank You..... just hearing everyone's words of support pushes me forward.