OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Sometimes I'm not okay

**Posted by M-Kate** September 10, 2024 1:10 pm

Sometimes I'm just not okay, but perhaps that's alright. I learned of my husband's bisexuality and infidelity about 1 1/2 years ago. We've been married nearly 30 years and I was totally blindsided. I'm trying to accept that I will continue to have ups & downs and to accept my feelings. I want to give myself "permission" to sometimes feel sad. We had issues in our marriage before and we have issues now. Are these current issues insurmountable? I don't know and I don't have to know.

**Posted by Anon 765** September 10, 2024 7:28 pm

Hi M-Kate,

It is most definitely okay to not be okay. Please give yourself permission to feel whatever you need to feel. It will help you get through this. Writing letters to yourself in a private journal can help. You can imagine a friend is talking to you and helping you deal with your current situation.

Take care,

Anon 765

**Posted by EleanorIsntHere** September 10, 2024 9:18 pm

Hi M-Kate,
I’m with you today. Actually all week. I’m just so sad. My husband doesn’t know what to do with it and it’s making him spiral a bit but I’m trying to not take that on. No matter what happens in the future, the situation right now is heartbreaking. I’ve been taking naps on the days I have time and going to bed right after the kids. I feel a bit like I’m hibernating, wintering. It’s necessary for moving forward I think. I hope.
It’s been almost a year since disclosure, and it’s the first real sad spell that I can remember. I’ve been mostly full of anxiety and confusion until now. I think I’m starting to see that our marriage isn’t going to last, instead of wondering how we’re going to save it. I’m also starting to see that it won’t be the worst of all the possible outcomes.
Reaching across time and space with a hug for you.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 10, 2024 9:29 pm

Well M-K....if nobody ever felt not okay what kind of world would it be? We'd all be walking around smiling even though we're dying inside. Or worried, or sick, or angry, or scared.

Find your 'not okay' and treat it as an oasis of calm where you can retreat, knowing you need space. Have a room you can go to, or sit in the car, or write stuff down, or talk to a friend. You can even be 'not okay' when you're sitting in the same room as him because eventually I hope you'll be able to separate who you were from who you have to be.. now the dynamics of your life have changed.

I found when I was 'not okay' the best thing to do was something physical, just to counter the
ever-churning thoughts in my head.
Be well

Elle