OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / FIlm on Trans Identifying Men, "Behind the Looking Glass"

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** August 30, 2024 7:34 pm

Vaishnavi Sundar's film "Behind the Looking Glass," three years in the making and featuring interviews with women who've been married to men who declare a trans identity, was released on youtube today. (Dr. Blanchard' on his Our Path video also makes an appearance).

Here's a link, for those interested:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Frffv2sB8zE

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** August 30, 2024 10:51 pm

I'm halfway through. Started it as soon as I got the notification 👍

Elle

**Posted by mm3** August 31, 2024 10:42 pm

Thank you for sharing. I can't stop watching. I identified with so many the things the women in this film said.

**Posted by Anon2222** August 31, 2024 10:43 pm

I'm currently watching it. I know this is related to trans men, but I think a lot of it also applies to straight spouses married to a gay/lesbian partner. Overall, the whole thing just makes me sad.

The part where she says "You know how you had a dad, that was all a lie. All that time, your dad didn't like being your dad" hit the feels.

I remember the true mind fuck I went through when I realized I had a "husband" for 20 years, who was just a lie. A life for 20 years that was just a lie. And coming to the realization that apparenly my husband never wanted to be a husband and hated me and his life. As an adult, I don't even know how I survived it. I feel for all the kids stuck in this mess.

Last edited by Anon2222 (August 31, 2024 11:17 pm)

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** September 1, 2024 8:11 am

Anon 2222

My ex is an AGP TIM. When I first started coming here to this forum, back in 2016, the stories of those with gay partners resonated with me, because of exactly this feeling that the entire marriage had been a lie, that we had gone through decades of life without knowing that our spouses hated every minute of the life that they felt they had somehow been "forced" to live. Our situations, although different in the specifics (gay/lesbian or trans), overlap in a lot of ways.

I was interviewed for the film, and some of my interview is there in the film, A segment of my interview that was in the longer version of the film (but cut from the shorter version) was released as a trailer/teaser:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rj0nGVBLWXE

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (September 1, 2024 8:22 am)

**Posted by Anon2222** September 1, 2024 11:15 pm

OutofHisCloset wrote:
I was interviewed for the film, and some of my interview is there in the film, A segment of my interview that was in the longer version of the film (but cut from the shorter version) was released as a trailer/teaser:

I watched your snippet, and it's awful that you had to go through such a thing.

I got written up at work because I wouldn't put a rainbow flag on my desk for pride month. My gay husband was dragging me through hell and every time I saw a rainbow flag I would just start crying and couldn't stop (yay to trauma and PTSD). I was told that I wasn't supporting an inclusive atmosphere. It didn't get better. Ironically....it was my dream job and what I got a graduate degree for. I lasted another year after that but ultimately I had to leave. It was also an academic environment.

I remember being over the moon when I got the job offer. And ecstatic to tell my "husband" - who then made his I'm gay and divorcing you announcement, just as I was set to start my new career that I had worked so hard for. He topped it off by telling me I was too stupid to succeed anyway.

*hugs* It is all so very unfair. I hope you are doing well now.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** September 3, 2024 3:31 pm

Anon,
It's terrible you got written up for not displaying a pride flag. I'm guessing that at the time you didn't feel as if you could tell anyone at work what was happening. But of course rather than someone displaying a smidgeon of compassion or concern and talking to you, they concluded that you were at fault. I'm sorry that happened to you.

I would not say I'm "over it"--I'll probably never be "over it" in the sense that it has ceased to matter or affect me psycholoically, or that I never think about it--but at least my ex has no power to interfere in my life now. Nor does the university, as I was able to retire.