Welcome to our Forum H 😀

I (F65) was indecisive like you. Wanting to be monogamous. But it was me against Same-sex Attraction and it wasn't even what and who my partner might be doing that was the catalyst for us separating. It was how I felt about myself (not good) and realising I could never change his core need to explore with men.

We each have an answer. We take different paths to reach our decisions. We learn  that there is a lot of wisdom here from others who have travelled/are travelling the same road

yes, my truth, it is so hard, I remember thinking I could not bear it if my whole life ended up being about him.  

so glad I got away from him, can't say it wasn't a nightmare going through the divorce process because it was but eventually it was over.

The other aspect to long term marriages that matters, I think, is that it is an ongoing process emotionally for the gay in denial man too.  Eventually it wasn't just how I was feeling that mattered, it was how he was feeling - his resentment towards me was palpable.  My cat would not stay in the room with him any more, I followed her out the door!