OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Am I wrong?

**Posted by Blackie563** December 2, 2022 10:35 am

Hey all - so while we finalize the divorce, we still live in the same house. Yesterday, my oldest wasnt feeling well and went to Urgent care and then the ER. My lying ex-wife (nearly ex) did not tell me a word. My 12 year old let me know where her sister was. When I asked why she did not tell me, she got defensive and said "I am not withholding information, there is nothing to share". I told her she knows damn well one of our kids going to get medical treatment is worthy of a call or text. I ripped into her (no name calling, I've never done that), but I told her this isn't a game and she should have told me. I also told her I get it, she is angry with me because I have cut her off, we dont speak unless its about the kids. I told her this is exactly what she wanted and to stop using our kids as a pawn in a game because she literally made the decision for all of this to happen. (But she is the victim right?)

Am I wrong to be this upset she did not tell me she was at the ER with my daughters'? Wtf, who does this? I've been involved in my kids life since birth, and she knows this. I think I am just venting, but I'd love any opposing views.

**Posted by gwendolyn_C** December 2, 2022 11:49 am

Blackie563 - You are not wrong about your feelings. We want to know the smallest details when it comes to our children. I've recognized my husband's pattern of not sharing information about our kids when he's upset with me. He tried this earlier this week. I understand this is a pattern and decided to show him what not to do. I purposely made sure to share the smallest and biggest details this week about our kids. It's useless to confront him about his pattern of behavior right now. I understand he's mad that I am proceeding with a divorce (although he had a part to play). I am protecting my peace at this moment to stay focused.

I believe my husband and I want the best for our kids. I plan to address his behaviors at some point but it's not worth it right now. Pick your battles.

I hope your daughter is ok!

Last edited by gwendolyn_C (December 2, 2022 11:50 am)

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 2, 2022 12:52 pm

Blackie563 wrote:
....
Am I wrong to be this upset she did not tell me she was at the ER with my daughters'? Wtf, who does this? I've been involved in my kids life since birth, and she knows this......

Of course you're not wrong. You know it, we know it, more to the point your almost ex-wife knows it. You "ripping into her" probably gave her immense satisfaction to know she can still affect you.
Your daughter is well now? And she knows your concern for her? Isn't that all that matters? Don't forget she still has to navigate the battlefield you and your soon to be ex fight in and that must be challenging for a child.
Forget the selfishness of the mother and don't let your daughter see how it affects you

Elle

**Posted by Rob** December 2, 2022 1:12 pm

No you are not wrong.

Welcome to raising kids with a gay narcissist ex. It sounds typical of the mentality I got and sometimes, more rare now, still get. Kid goes to doc or urgent care.. ok maybe just handle it (but should still inform you). Kid goes to the ER.. my God any normal person would let the other parent know.. But these spouses are not normal. In her mind she did inform you ..had the other kid inform you. doesnt want to talk to you.

I think as you navigate co-parenting and being divorced this will get better. She is still learning how a divorce and being separated work. While she most definitely should have informed you at least she handled it... After you are separated the last thing you want is for her to lean and depend on you to handle things. even some things for the kids..as if you were married. Imagine she called you to solve the medical problem instead of taking the kid to the ER. We need some use for our ex's. They can take care of the kids ..the kids should not be hurt like they hurt us.

So its not surprising .. manage your expectations and hopefully she'll learn what requires breaking no-contact.

I hope your kid is ok.

**Posted by Blackie563** December 2, 2022 11:09 pm

Great advice, thank you all. As always, really appreciate you all.

**Posted by Luz** December 7, 2022 1:11 pm

Co-parenting struggles are REAL! Be proud of yourself for expressing what you need. That's the difficulty in still sharing a huge part of life together (kids), there still needs to be respect and communication.

Hope all works out and communication gets better!