Julian_Stone wrote:

It's just sex...but he/she was willing to blow up an entire relationship/family for it.
 

Gotta go with the last one. Bottom line as it were. “It’s just sex” is too simple of a statement for the ginormous damage it causes. 

My husband used the “It’s just sex” line and thought it was good enough to say that it didn’t mean anything to him....well, it sure meant something to me! He was single until he was 53 and casually dated the entire time, except a few girlfriends that didn’t last long. So, he never developed the true meaning of commitment. And, to him, sex is “just sex”...it’s recreational not emotional at all ....as in ‘no strings attached’. 

that’s why, to him, an open marriage is ‘just fine’........he has NO problem with me having ‘just sex’ with another man-or many men for that matter. That hurts, too. I don’t like jealousy, however it would be nice if he were at least bothered by my having sex with other men.........oh, like night & day from my first husband, who passed away in 2003, and was Catholic. Monogamy was an unspoken MUST, which was just fine with me!

 

I'm not talking about polyamorous couples who desire a non-traditional marriage...or people who have a bizarre cuckolding fetish or whatever...I'm talking about all of the zations...the minimization...rationalization...compartmentalization.

There have been several threads on this topic of "just sex"...and I thought OOHC put it best: It's not just sex..It's sexual orientation. It's a fundamental part of our being that most of us (straight folks) don't ever even think about because we don't have to. 

Edited to add:
If it were simply about sexual release....well, you don't need another individual for that. Our partners (in most cases) don't reveal their true orientation to us until they've already cheated...or they're wanting non-monogamy (with less guilt/sneaking around)...or when suppressing their sexuality has simply become unbearable for them...and they are willing to risk the financial & other securities of marriage. It's rarely out of guilt for being dishonest to us.

This is something I think about often because while I'm fairly confident that my husband (the bisexual) is capable of being monogamous 'til death do us part... I do wonder: Can anyone ever truly be happy when their attractions are pulling them in two completely opposite directions? And how will that unhappiness—that struggle, which I empathasize with—manifest itself throughout our relationship?

 

Last edited by Julian_Stone (January 20, 2021 3:05 pm)

TangledOil wrote:

Oh another thing I think is interesting... is when the straight spouse thinks it’s “hot” (for example) when their bisexual husband has sex with men. There are straight women like that who find it a turn on and it seems to work out really well for them. 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

I am...looking back.....guilty of this. Earlier in our r'ship our sexlife was hot, the fact he added bisexuality to it.... entirely accepted. Now I wish I could scrub all those memories off me, turn back time.

"...it's only 5% of who I am..." 
Yeah but....



 

Rob wrote:

Julian,

The last one..she was willing blowup/destroy the marriage, family and finances for her girlfriend. I've had years to process it and can only conclude she has a "broken moral core".
I long ago gave up trying to rationalize her decisions..they made no sense then and years later are still just as wrong.

Rob—I can't imagine ever treating my spouse the way your wife treated you...I simply can't comprehend how anyone can be so cruel to another human being...yet alone the father of their children.