OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Did you ever get an apology?

**Posted by TangledOil** October 26, 2020 3:06 pm

It doesn’t make everything perfect, but it certainly has helped that my husband has apologized (and continues to apologize for various things related to this) with sincerity. It’s also been helpful that he’s empathetic to my position and to the position of many straight spouses situations. He’s read some of your stories. I hope you don’t mind. Since his revelation he’s never tried to diminish or downplay or backtrack his bisexual desire and, although in my mind I wish he would, I know he’d be lying and I prefer his honesty. He’s committed to me and our family and marriage and glad that he doesn’t have to feel the shame he’s felt at times over this for several decades. I’m not ashamed of his desires at all.

**Posted by SusanneH** October 27, 2020 10:58 am

Tangled,

Yes, my husband has apologized to me many times. He says he feels he’s said it so much that it doesn’t mean anything any more. (So, now he doesn’t want to apologize for other smaller things that happen because he thinks it’s meaningless). I try to emphasize that as long as it’s genuine, it is NOT meaningless, EVER. As long as he quits doing whatever he’s apologizing for, such as cheating. He’s stopped that, so it means something. When he apologizes for interrupting me or something that he does over & over, and will keep doing, then it doesn’t mean so much. But, the BIG apology has been given 😊.
I’m not sure I could have stayed had he not apologized. That would have been the icing on the cake of the cheating.

**Posted by rekamc** October 27, 2020 11:15 am

No, I never got an apology (probably never will). These past few years the cheating was rampant and constant (all with women). My ex-wife is damn near 65 and refuses to publicly come out. I don't know how much longer I can keep her "secret" for.

**Posted by stevo** October 27, 2020 3:28 pm

Yes. My wife of 22 years never swears and never says sorry for anything. Dday plus 7 , She said, I'm so fucking sorry for the mess I have put you in!. I was like, the only time I have heard you say sorry and it doesnt come close to cuttin it.

**Posted by SusanneH** October 27, 2020 3:50 pm

stevo wrote:
Yes. My wife of 22 years never swears and never says sorry for anything. Dday plus 7 , She said, I'm so fucking sorry for the mess I have put you in!. I was like, the only time I have heard you say sorry and it doesnt come close to cuttin it.

No, Stevo, I don’t think that’s a genuine apology. Hope she makes(d) up for it in other ways.

**Posted by TangledOil** October 27, 2020 6:11 pm

Susanne,

I’m glad that you got what you feel was a heartfelt apology. It is important.

rekamc,

I’m so sorry. I told my husband if we divorced because of this I’d feel no obligation to keep his secret. He understood. Actually, he got to the point where he wanted me to have the support of my friends now and suggested I tell them. I decided not to at this point.

Stevo,

I’m sorry you never got the apology you deserve. I have a background in mental health and it seems a good handful of these non-straight spouses suffer from narcissism, and possibly other things as well. I know for a fact the rate of mental illness within the LGBTQ community is higher than the general population.

**Posted by Virion** October 28, 2020 7:05 am

No apology either only "I'm sorry your life has been upended", NOT I'm sorry for being a lying deceitful self centred person,

**Posted by DeeDee1771** October 28, 2020 9:31 am

On Dday while he was '"trying to explain", I actually had to stop him mid sentence to say "you know? You've been saying a lot, but the one thing you haven't said is 'I'm sorry'". I know he feels very guilty, but sometimes I wonder if it's not guilt but resentment at being caught.