OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Second guessing myself

**Posted by Expecto86** September 16, 2019 8:02 am

I found the abundant amount of gay porn. My husband has never been very interested in me sexually.
Why am I second guessing myself?
Has anyone else done this? You have the proof and you know it in your heart, but you second guess yourself? Especially when he cries and swears he isn't gay and he isn't lying.
But you KNOW he is. You especially know he's lying.
Why do I feel so weak?

**Posted by a_dads_straight_journey** September 16, 2019 8:11 am

You may still love him and don’t want it to be true nor does he. Part of this process is emotionally detaching and ‘unloving’ them in a romantic/sexual sense. Part of the manipulation of being pulled into the closet by them (consciously or subconsciously) is them not wanting to let go of the beard and actually face that they are gay. Very difficult for all parties, under the most amicable and respectful circumstances.

**Posted by Expecto86** September 16, 2019 10:39 am

A dad’s straight journey, I think you are right. I care for him so much and I want him to be happy just like I want to be happy.
It’s hard when he denies it sooo hard. I want to believe him. And I really think he believes himself.
It sucks so bad. I’m so ready to move on but I’m so terrified.

**Posted by a_dads_straight_journey** September 16, 2019 10:56 am

I once read that ‘courage is fear that has said its prayers’. Whether one is religious or not, I like this quote because it recognizes that the fear needs to be acknowledged to move on with courage. Sometimes courage is simply the act of moving forward independent of the fear.

Wishing you strength and courage during this very difficult season of life,

All the best,

ADSJ

Last edited by a_dads_straight_journey (September 16, 2019 11:19 am)

**Posted by TwistingInTheWind** September 16, 2019 1:51 pm

You must walk your own path. It is soooo hurtful, so full of sadness an sorrow. The deceit and manipulation is hurtful. Just the idea that you are less important to him than his man to man activities and his "secret" is hurtful. That is because it is cruel and intentionallly and willfully cruel. The full impact of this is cumulative and corrosive. Firemen say "We did not start this fire". Remember that you did not make this mess - you did not start this fire.