OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Indecent photos

**Posted by Ansiogel** May 30, 2019 3:12 am

Maybe I'm over reacting, but I find it quite disturbing to see that my SO has now posted photos of himself in white lace lingerie showing his obvious male attributes whilst wearing a wig and make up on his web site open to all.
Should I discuss this with him ?
I think that these kinds of pictures should remain private at least if not be shared with me.
I feel hurt .
Please advise me as how to go about this.
Thank You.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** May 30, 2019 8:00 am

First of all, I would rethink that word "discuss." "Discuss" implies you are willing to be convinced that what he is doing is okay. It appears, from what you have said, that it isn't.

I don't think you're overreacting. After all, who knows what might follow from his public posting of what are clearly obscene photographs, but it could have consequences for him or for you, say, with employment.

Beyond those public consequences, your feelings have validity, and you have not only the right to express them but also for him to take them seriously, which means, reconsider and change his behavior. So yes, you should tell him that you are hurt by such photos being made public and that you believe they should be shared, if at all, only with you. To do so is to set a boundary, a very reasonable and self-protective one.

However, you should also be thinking about what your response will be should he fail to do as you request. You cannot make him do what you request; you can only decide what you will do should he not honor your request.

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (May 30, 2019 8:03 am)

**Posted by Duped** May 30, 2019 5:08 pm

Deleted

Last edited by Duped (August 23, 2019 5:08 am)

**Posted by walkbymyself** May 30, 2019 6:06 pm

OutofHisCloset wrote:
...your feelings have validity, and you have not only the right to express them but also for him to take them seriously, which means, reconsider and change his behavior. So yes, you should tell him that you are hurt by such photos being made public and that you believe they should be shared, if at all, only with you.

Well put, OoHC. Just an observation: I have to remind myself constantly, particularly when I'm in a work situation, not to constantly soften my statements with phrases like "I feel" or "I believe" or "it seems to me". Women always have a tendency to do this, and it weakens the impact of what we need to say.

So instead of "you believe" the photos shouldn't be out there ... just make it an unqualified statement of fact. The photos are inappropriate and he needs to take them down, full stop. Their being out there accessible to the public is putting you in an impossible situation, and they need to come down.

**Posted by Ansiogel** June 4, 2019 3:18 am

Thank you for all your very helpful responses.
I have told him what I felt and he has said that he will take them down.
This was 5 days ago.
This might be a deal breaker if he does t keep his word.

Take care.

**Posted by walkbymyself** June 4, 2019 2:18 pm

Best of luck. I know how hard all this can be.

**Posted by Ansiogel** June 7, 2019 6:01 am

Thanks, I explained my shock and my hurt and the photos are no longer up on line, as far as I know. This has had a healthy impact on our relationship.
Take care.