OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Proof for better or worse

**Posted by clarity** January 12, 2018 8:53 pm

Last night I got something I thought I would never get in this lifetime. I found out that my ex was on a hookup app and had been for at least 3 or 4 yours. We divorced one year ago after 25 years of marriage. I asked for the divorce and he put me through hell for 4 years...in addition to the abuse throughout the marriage.

I know that the feeling of finally seeing proof initiated by him is the greatest gift. He had told me that he had one experience before we dated but that was just an experiment and he knew that he was straight. We talked and talked and talked about it throughout the marriage. I let him know that I loved him no matter what and that I truly wanted him to be happy. I begged him to admit it. Still, he always denied and drove me to being suicidal and doubting my own value. He told people that I was crazy and a drug addict. Finally, I have proof.

I feel confused, angry, relieved, disgusted, among other things. This is going to take a while to process. I knew and that's what gave me the strength to finally go through with the divorce. I guess part of me thought that at least he had been faithful. I believed him. I loved him. He took advantage of me in every way possible.

Thanks so much for being here. Finding this forum has been a life saver.

**Posted by Rob** January 12, 2018 9:55 pm

Clarity,

Welcome.
Yes we loved them. So much so that even after a divorce something like this can still hurt us.

I think , and this may sound strange, that not knowing about the depth of betrayal and lies may have helped you during the divorce? I knew everything and the depth of the deceit and lies made me tremble and shake with fear.

Your away from that abuse and lies now.. Thank God that he got you away from this. Sometimes he knows, even if we don't.

Last edited by Rob (January 13, 2018 6:20 am)

**Posted by clarity** January 12, 2018 11:11 pm

Thanks so much, Rob. You may be right. One thing that strikes me about your comment is this. The entire time, I kept praying to God saying, this can't possibly be your will, as I was raised to believe in marriage and avoid divorce. Each time, I asked for a sign. Each time, the ex would do something more horrible than the last, and I'd understand that this was the sign. But I kept praying and asking for signs. Until, finally, as I started to ask, it finally clicked and I realized, I did not have to keep going through this. I did not need anymore signs that showed the obvious dysfunction and pain. And I gratefully continued.

I will keep processing all of this. Again, so grateful for this forum. I really thought I was alone.

**Posted by Duped** January 13, 2018 5:30 am

Deleted

Last edited by Duped (August 28, 2019 2:07 pm)