OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Well... I suppose it had to happen eventually

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 25, 2025 4:20 pm

I'm in Christchurch for the 5th birthday of the daughter of my former partner's niece. Staying with my daughter. Then I learn A. (ex) will be going too and with his "flatmate".
Now I don't know nor am I bothered if their r'ship is romantic, but it's just going to be weird y'know?

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 25, 2025 9:59 pm

Update; 2 hours after I posted this thread I fell over at the Mall, broke my wrist and now sitting in A&E waiting to have a cast put on.

Suffice it to say I will not be going to the birthday party.

I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry. But of both maybe?

E

**Posted by lily** September 26, 2025 12:01 pm

sorry to hear that, broken bones can hurt a lot. Hope you are being looked after.

**Posted by freedmyself** September 26, 2025 4:36 pm

First - speedy healing to you, Ellexoh. I hope it's your non-dominant side, and that you're good as new soon.

As for the ex with "flatmate" - Laugh AND cry. I think that's how life actually works.

I cannot even see photos of my ex with his boyfriend - seeing them together in person would be weird for sure. I once heard about a straight spouse who managed to be One Big Happy Family with his kids, ex-wife, and ex-wife's girlfriend. This is unimaginable to me.

Question for anyone reading this who is completely out of their relationship with their gay/bi/trans ex:
How common is it for you to see your ex with their partner?
Is it limited to large family events like weddings or graduations, or are there more casual things (like the child's birthday party Ellexoh was going to) where ex and partner are there?

Very curious to see where people are on this issue.

**Posted by Rob** September 28, 2025 1:40 pm

So sorry about your wrist Elle. Hope you heal up quickly.

Guess you were spared from seeing your ex.

I last saw my GX in the summer.. I learned she is selling her home and getting an apartment ..my kids dont think she is still with her girlfriend or she keeps that all hidden from them.

Best to live your life and try not to think about theirs...they make chose to may all future gatherings with the kids awkward..we did nothing wrong. I intend to show up whenever asked for my kids and hold my head high.

**Posted by Alex1984** September 28, 2025 4:05 pm

Hi Elle,
I hope you feel better soon!
Kia kaha

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 29, 2025 2:42 pm

Thanks for the good wishes everybody.

Rob...nah it wasn't that I would be spared seeing him with somebody else it was that I wasn't sure what my reaction would be. In our r'ship & the 4 years it was open I had many times knowing he was with someone else. No it was my own thoughts that bothered me.

Freed.... It's a challenge but I'm ambidextrous 😆 which I never thought woul d be quite a blessing lol.
As to your question... through all this I've personally grown to a realization that to get to "the other side of the storm" I had to be adult about it, not allow him to see me as anything but neutral to anything he did...so if and when I do see him with another romantic partner I'll have a running commentary in the back of my mind "be strong, be neutral, smile!"

Lily..... I am being looked after. I was couchsurfing but we're hiring a bed so I'm more comfortable, which means a reshuffle of rooms but my daughter and son-in-law are fine with it.

E

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 29, 2025 2:43 pm

Alex1984 wrote:
Hi Elle,
I hope you feel better soon!
Kia kaha

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

**Posted by walkbymyself** October 3, 2025 10:03 am

Elle, I've just logged in after an absence and I hope I'm not too late to wish you a speedy and hopefully painless recovery.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** October 4, 2025 12:27 pm

walkbymyself wrote:
Elle, I've just logged in after an absence and I hope I'm not too late to wish you a speedy and hopefully painless recovery.

Hey there Walk 'hugs from New Zealand'

4 weeks in a cast..! I'm grateful it's just to my elbow and not a full body one lol.

Because I had to stay on here in Christchurch and it's A's birthday today, and I've been invited, and been told his "flatmate" won't be there, and feel like im not in the loop as regards wtf is going on...
I've decided I won't go. I wouldn't have been there so I reckon I won't be missed and it would be awkward anyway
I'm really disappointed in our 2 children though. It seems both have A's evasive and dismissive gene. I've learned to appreciate honesty after years of not getting it and I can only think they want to protect me from
....what!

Elle