OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / I missed my husband today.

**Posted by Jupiter1** July 24, 2024 4:17 pm

1. You made me laugh Oridinary and 2. It’s true and wise that we miss the fire even if we were doing most all the tending.

**Posted by Rob** July 25, 2024 6:52 am

The fire is a great analogy. I think we all love tending the fire ..but need to do it with someone that has integrity and the same fierce love for us. That our spouses rejected our tending does not mean our tending was bad or that we should stop tending..just give that tending to someone who does the same.

Thus is not us leaving them...this is them rejecting us.

**Posted by Jupiter1** July 25, 2024 4:56 pm

I guess this whole who is leaving whom is personally on my mind right now and getting me tangled. My stbx does various sexually acting out things over the years, now of an autogynephillic nature. I ask him to leave but then when does and happily, I feel rejected again. The dynamic is bogging me down. I need to keep my strength up for the road ahead. I wish I could zap the part of my brain that gets bogged down in feeling rejected and deficient.

I think another issue is my stbx wanting to date again when we’ve only been separated a short time. I know so many of you have exes who didn’t bother waiting til separation to step out on you. Such a lack of control in a part of your life- your partnership- where you expect to feel comfort and security.

Last edited by Jupiter1 (July 25, 2024 5:00 pm)

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** July 25, 2024 6:44 pm

You're bonded. Perhaps even trauma bonded. So of course when he walks merrily away you feel it at your core. What you're feeling seems to me to be normal, not something to beat yourself up over. (Not that I didn't do my own share of that!)

**Posted by Jupiter1** July 27, 2024 9:00 pm

One of the many things I appreciate about this forum is emotional realness. “Our path” gathers partners coping with discovery of unexpected and life altering events. Validating feelings is critical, and hard to experience in these complicated situations. Thanks OOHC for your response and and to everyone here posting and responding here; grateful for you all

**Posted by Anon2222** July 28, 2024 8:14 am

Jupiter1 - it is completely normal to feel like you have been sucker punched in the gut during this process. It means you are a normal human being who loved your partner. And that's what makes this whole thing so bloody hard. Our feelings for our spouse are real, whereas theirs are questionable at best.

This was the hardest part for me - the feeling of rejection. It's quite the unfair kick in the ass after all of this - we do our best to support and love our spouses, and they happily trot off to live their "real" lives and usually say we never supported them in the first place.