OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Do I owe another wife the truth?

**Posted by Josephine** December 3, 2023 6:04 pm

My Husband was a GID husband who died. I did not find out until after he died. I believe he may have had an affair with a younger friend. I believe he advised his friend that it was perfectly acceptable to marry a women and have children. I am struggling with my responsibility towards this woman. She and I met once, and even though she was newly married, she was already questioning her Husband's devotion. Do I tell her what I suspect? I wish someone had told me but I wonder if I would have believed it? What does a woman, with young children, do with this information? What should I do?

**Posted by Rob** December 3, 2023 9:34 pm

So really tough..unless she is a very close friend I dont think you can help her unless you know everything for a fact.

Sad and scary.. that you/we can see the diabolical secrets these covert gay people do..the lengths they go to.

**Posted by lily** December 4, 2023 3:12 pm

well perhaps you could tell her that now your husband is dead you are in the process of going through your memories and have come to think your husband had an affair with hers. And leave it at that. If she wants to talk about it she can. If she doesn't then you can relax anyway.

First obligation is to yourself - if saying something could impact negatively on you then probably best not to.

**Posted by Josephine** December 10, 2023 3:42 pm

Rob wrote:
So really tough..unless she is a very close friend I dont think you can help her unless you know everything for a fact.

Sad and scary.. that you/we can see the diabolical secrets these covert gay people do..the lengths they go to.

Rob, I do know for a fact, now. I have only met her twice. I am leaning towards not telling her. I am ticked off that my husband put me in the position where I have to make the choice!

**Posted by Josephine** December 10, 2023 3:48 pm

lily wrote:
well perhaps you could tell her that now your husband is dead you are in the process of going through your memories and have come to think your husband had an affair with hers. And leave it at that. If she wants to talk about it she can. If she doesn't then you can relax anyway.

First obligation is to yourself - if saying something could impact negatively on you then probably best not to.

Lily, I have thought of doing that but once she knows/ she knows. She may not appreciate the information.

**Posted by lily** December 10, 2023 8:18 pm

easy enough to feel her out if you are on chatting terms - just tell her you've found out your husband was gay and see how she responds. she might just say she has wondered the same about her husband or it could be an awkward moment - at the least you got to say something about what happened to you. but yes even if she responds positively it is better to go gently and carefully.