OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Wasted on the way...

**Posted by Rob** January 26, 2023 2:27 pm

Feeling triggered today.. I can generally talk about my marriage etc here without issue or trigger...

Probably because my finance guy called and as we talked it just brought back the financial damage my GX did... Im ok now but really should not look back..that and some music from David Crosby passing was enough to sadden me.
Can only urge others to not waste any time with someone who you think will betray you in the end...

Look around me, I can see my life before me
Running rings around the way it used to be
I am older now I have more than what I wanted
But I wish that I had started long before I did
And there's so much time to make up everywhere you turn
Time we have wasted on the way
So much water moving underneath the bridge
Let the water come and carry us away
Oh when you were young did you question all the answers
Did you envy all the dancers who had all the nerve?
Look round you know, you must go for what you wanted
Look at all my friends who did and got what they deserved
So much time to make up everywhere you turn
Time we have wasted on the way
So much water moving underneath the bridge
Let the water come and carry us away
So much love to make up everywhere you turn
Love we have wasted on the way
So much water moving underneath the bridge
Let the water come and carry us away
Let the water come and carry us away

Last edited by Rob (January 26, 2023 2:27 pm)

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** January 26, 2023 5:54 pm

♥️ You've come a long way, and you know your triggers. That's a win/win in my book.
Often looking back isn't regressing, it's seeing how far we've come

E

Edited to say...when I typed that heart on my phone it was red!! It's turned black wtf!

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (January 26, 2023 8:01 pm)

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** January 26, 2023 6:51 pm

So sorry you were triggered, Rob.

Safety and stability have both been tremendously important to me, because I grew up in a violent household with one mentally ill parent and another who couldn't/didn't protect me. After my ex's trans bomb drop upended my sense of safety and stability, finances became a stand in for both safety and stability.

I know how unsafe you felt with her (your shaking and her anger), so perhaps for you finances are in some way also tied up with safety? She abused you financially, so it wouldn't be a surprise that dealing with finances brings back that unsafe feeling.

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (January 26, 2023 6:52 pm)

**Posted by lily** January 27, 2023 4:11 pm

"Can only urge others to not waste any time with someone who you think will betray you in the end..."

Well said Rob. To have been deceived, no real love-making - it hurts so much. The only positive thing about it I can sense is that in feeling the sadness it's bringing me back to balance in life.

We have just had Australia Day here. For the first time it hung in the balance, there was as much coverage on the news for the marches as the barbecues. It's the date the first ship arrived here - is it invasion day, a day of mourning or is it a day of celebrating the birth of a nation - I have always felt it is not a day to celebrate - salt in the wounds, much better to remember it from the other side, the people who were invaded. Maybe I am being fanciful but it felt to me like a wave of sadness washed over the whole nation this year.

Last edited by lily (January 27, 2023 4:15 pm)

**Posted by Blackie563** January 27, 2023 10:50 pm

Im sorry Rob. I agree, being able to identify you were triggered is a good sign. I am not far enough along to know if it will ever stop entirely. I susoect not, but the pain gets less and doesnt last as long. Hang in there man. My gay (maybe not?) lying, narc ex is taking me to the cleaners, as we speak, so I get it. I will be ok, but doesnt make it feel any better in the interm.