OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / EMDR or other trauma therapies

**Posted by walkbymyself** October 6, 2022 10:17 am

Let us know how it works out. I'm trying to find a new therapist (old one moved away) and it's hard to find people who are knowledgeable about betrayal trauma.

**Posted by lily** October 6, 2022 4:57 pm

Hi Page Turner,

I think you can help yourself in the day to day by recognising that this is not just past trauma, it is ongoing. and sorry to say but I think you are likely to have to face up to a fair bit more of it.

It's going to take a bit of time, but as you adjust to the new normal it will get easier, these are tough yards.

One very big positive you have now is that you are no longer responsible in combination with their mother - you are not part of the parents - you are their father and only responsible for yourself in relation to your children. None of this is ideal by any means but you can settle in and make a loving home for them.

wishing you all the best, Lily

**Posted by LMM** October 20, 2022 5:58 pm

Page Turner,
I’ve had EMDR but it was during my abusive marriage and about a traumatic near death experience. It was very peaceful and wonderful. I had to picture being in a beautiful meadow and then take the memory out of a box, then go into it with the eye movement. I was surprised at the things that came out of my mouth as I processed it. I recommend it!

As for the kids, mine are 6, 9, 13, 14, 16. We told them a few months ago when we decided to divorce. My husband told them he’s gay and that his conversion therapy teachings led him to marry a woman for God to make him straight. We watched the Netflix documentary Pray Away that week because those people were his counselors. It shows the gay people realizing they’re still gay and talking about the damage they did.

Anyway, yours are too young for that and my youngest didn’t want to watch it. My younger ones took it much easier than the teenagers! I think young ones are less attached to life as it is. Yours are at an age where you can say, “People get divorced for lots of reasons. For us, it’s because mom actually loves girls and not boys. She was confused when she married me.” My youngest asks stuff like, “Did you know dad likes boys? Did he like boys the whole time? Will he change and like girls?” I just shrug and give little answers and he’s fine. They don’t want tons of details - the teens do and that’s harder!

**Posted by W10J** November 5, 2022 6:47 pm

I'm not sure if this is the right forum post this, maybe it belongs in but your question about EMDR was a good one. I've tried to get EMDR therapy but haven't been able to. But I found something that has helped quite a bit! It's quick, about 5 minutes, and has really helped pull me out when PTSD hits hard. It's tapping. I've read about that before, but it was always too confusing. This little video is easy to follow even when I'm deep in trauma. Sometimes I have to do it a couple of times, but it is so helpful I don't mind. It doesn't take the trauma away but it pulls me out of the headspace where I feel trapped. There's also a free app.

There's also a free app, for both apple and android, at least from what I've read. It's called Self Help for Trauma. It has the little tapping video, plus a bit more explanation. My friend used it when she was stressed over having to buy a new car unexpectedly, and my kid used it when stressed over her puppy being sick. It helped them both.

Shoot. I just saw I have to make 2 postings before I can include a link. I'll try without the link, you can find it on youtube if you search for self help for trauma with tapping. it's just a little cartoon clip, under 5 minutes long.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** November 6, 2022 1:18 pm

W10J wrote:
..... It's tapping. I've read about that before, but it was always too confusing. This little video is easy to follow even when I'm deep in trauma. Sometimes I have to do it a couple of times, but it is so helpful I don't mind. It doesn't take the trauma away but it pulls me out of the headspace where I feel trapped. There's also a free app.

There's also a free app, for both apple and android, at least from what I've read. It's called Self Help for Trauma. It has the little tapping video, plus a bit more explanation.....

I know about Tapping. My sister uses it and teaches it

Elle

**Posted by W10J** November 6, 2022 10:08 pm

That's cool. I'd be interested in her take on the video, if she sees it.