OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / 83 year old separates from wife 84

**Posted by private** September 25, 2022 11:00 pm

My father told me he was bisexual about 15 years ago. It was a very difficult conversation as I was going through a divorce from my own closeted bisexual husband myself.

Now at age 83 he and my mom are separating.My siblings have told them we are tired of them pitting them against the each other and we are fed up with their fighting. The main reason is that they fight like cats and dogs and he is a hoarder. He pretty much started acting single after he retired and their mutual respect when down hill from there. He is going to live with me while my sister is going to live with my mom.

It's hard as I forecasted this. If you know in your heart that you can't love 100% it will blow up and someone is going to get hurt. My mom is devasted that he really can't love her. He says he does but she is filled with so much anger and hatred he can't live with her.

He was wrong to stay as long as he did.

Last edited by private (September 25, 2022 11:41 pm)

**Posted by Bertuccio** September 26, 2022 3:40 am

What terrified me the most about MOM was the idea of living forever in a marriage where neither party truly wants to be part of.

STBX and I might love each other very much. But where we to stay together we'd end up hating each other, and hating ourselves.

I know there are other cases where MOM works. I truly hoped it would've been our case

**Posted by Abby** September 26, 2022 9:33 am

I hope that you and your sister have enough strength and support to have these troubled people living in your households. Even though they are your parents you have to remember to take care of yourselves, I think straight spouses tend by nature to be caregivers and to accept whatever is thrown at us. Setting boundaries to protect ourselves is not in our skill set.

If one or both are capable of living independently perhaps look into income-based senior apartments. Some cities, such as Philadelphia, are developing ones focused on gay and bi seniors and other areas are discussing the growing need they are seeing..

I

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 26, 2022 2:18 pm

Private.... How do you feel about having your father live with you when he is a hoarder?

Will you be able to cope with the behavior?

Elle

**Posted by private** September 27, 2022 2:02 am

Thanks to everyone for your replies.

First dad hoards because he is stressed. but if he were to live with me he would not have the space to do that.

Second he changed his mind.
He said he saw how sad my mom was and decided to stay. He also said he did love her.

I don't necessarily agree with their choice because I don't know how long it will be when they start arguing again.

I had hoped to see them calmer the last year's of their lives but they cant seem to leave each other...catch 22.

Last edited by private (September 27, 2022 2:04 am)