OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Christmas spirit, co-parenting and lots of anger

**Posted by NaiveChump** November 26, 2016 6:52 pm

"Are you insane? Do you really think I'm going to look you in the face and say Merry Christmas after you wasted my life like this? Could you not have had the nerve to admit the whole truth even now?"

-I am so feeling you right now. I go from nuclear angry to apathetic and back to nuclear. I was never one of those gals that wanted/needed to be married. No one was making him propose. Why did he do it if he was attracted to men? Was he using me married heterosexual priviledge or something? Why? Why? Why?

And WHY does he expect me to "play nice" when he has wasted a decade of my life?

**Posted by iamthelorax** November 26, 2016 9:01 pm

NaiveChump wrote:
I go from nuclear angry to apathetic and back to nuclear.

Yes!!! I think I'm worse off because I was dumb enough to play nice after the separation for years because of her lies but that's exactly how I am too.

NaiveChump wrote:
And WHY does he expect me to "play nice" when he has wasted a decade of my life?

Probably narcissistic like my ex. It's like they used us so long to maintain theire lies, they think it's our job to keep it up for them.

I hope I don't come off as a generic sour hater. I'm just feeling angry these days. After all the years of sadness, I don't feel the need to hold it back anymore.

Last edited by iamthelorax (November 27, 2016 2:52 am)

**Posted by NaiveChump** November 27, 2016 5:38 am

"I hope I don't come off as a generic sour hater. "
-You don't. You come off as someone who was used and isn't going to be anyone's doormat, especially HERS, anymore.

You know, I don't want to come off as a gay-hating bigot either. I have and have had many gay friends and colleagues. Of the whole lot, ONLY TWO were looking for long term love/marriage. The others would step out on each other or just want to play the field. My experience with my husband (who also appears to want to the play the field with men per his craiglist post) and these experiences make me want to paint with a VERY BROAD BRUSH right now. But I shouldn't because every person deserves to be evaluated on his own merits.

I am going to tell you the same thing I tell my husband and his mother (to whom I also forwarded his ad to..no WAY I was going to be blamed for this marriage failure).

Be safe, be brave, be honest, and make decisions that HONOR YOU.

Basically doing what your ex expects THIS christmas is not honest and does NOT HONOR you. Keep honoring yourself Lorax.

**Posted by iamthelorax** November 27, 2016 3:35 pm

NaiveChump wrote:
I don't want to come off as a gay-hating bigot either.

Neither do I, in fact sometimes I think the aspect of homosexuality is secondary to the whole discussion. The important part is how they knowingly spent the volume of our lives using us as a "shield" of sorts. It's kind of the same thing if they hypothetically married us for money while being in love with someone else the whole time.

NaiveChump wrote:
Be safe, be brave, be honest, and make decisions that HONOR YOU.

Thank you.

**Posted by NaiveChump** November 27, 2016 4:02 pm

"The important part is how they knowingly spent the volume of our lives using us as a "shield" of sorts. It's kind of the same thing if they hypothetically married us for money while being in love with someone else the whole time."
-OMG! This is SPOT ON! YOu nailed it! It is EXACTLY the same analogy!!!

Her/my hubby: I used you for your money/cover. Are you ok with that?
You/me: "No. I am not ok with that and no longer choose to participate"
Them: "What?!?!?! What!?!!? How can you NOT be ok with that! Think of the children! Think of the in-laws! Think of FAMILY!?!?!? You are so mean! Think of the discomfort that YOU will cause for not going along with my lies anymore!!!"

You/me: "I didnt know when I married you because you never told me. You took me on a roller coaster ride I didnt sign up for because YOU werent honest. You didnt think of MY comfort when you were USING ME so why should I think of yours? AS far as children, family and inlaws..why didnt YOU think of them when you chose to lie?"

GRRR. Selfish jerks. I watched this movie recently called The Purge. If we EVER had a day like that, I know WHO I would go after. Love honor and cherish...sure until he threw away HIS VOWS and DISHONORED me!

**Posted by Rob** November 28, 2016 8:31 pm

Yeah, in addition to TGT I have a real problems with the morality or lack thereof.. They took vows and made promises before God... and they;
a.) Lied,
b.) It didn't mean anything to them
c.) They feel they can break those promises made to me and God (are entitled to)..
d.) They (my ex) was not thinking about me or the kids in that hotel room with her girlfriend.

Selfish is too nice of a word for them. And in my case she became even worst as we divorced.. I witnessed Satan incarnate on this earth.. meanness and cruelty as I never experienced before.
Famliy torn apart and her/they acting as if was normal and it was my doing.

Last edited by Rob (November 28, 2016 8:32 pm)