OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** November 8, 2024 12:19 am

lily wrote:
Psychology and it's uncertified cousin counselling are a burgeoning on-line industry aren't they. Looks like the Straight Spouse Forum is collateral damage....

A few times I have been suspicious of posts by a supposed straightspouse when their advice has read more like an article by a professional rather than the concerned, faltering tone of somebody fresh to the site and looking for answers.

E

**Posted by Blackie563** November 8, 2024 9:18 am

This right here...instead of objective advice, I have seen some offer advice based on their own life and if your counselor was a "mid life oh shit I am gay" then they are likely justifying their behavior with other clients. Otherwise, he/she would have to admit to their own lies/manipulation and most people can not live with that type of guilt. (Normal people anyway).

lily wrote:
The professional certified fully trained psychiatrist I was referred to for counselling bewildered me, she did a good job in other respects but it hurt and confused me - it was only later I found out she was recently divorced and out of the closet.

**Posted by lily** November 8, 2024 4:54 pm

Elle, yes that's right I've seen a few posts where it has crossed my mind this is written by someone interested in offering counselling.

I will admit I haven't explored the OnePath website that bought the Straight Spouses Network and therefore hosts this forum now - I don't know what they are about.

Blackie, I look back to that counselling and I just think she should have been honest with me, if I had known she was unable to sympathise with me then I would not have been left feeling confused and hurt when she didn't.

When my ex briefly admitted to being bisesxual he said it meant he was special, that he had a choice and it was none of my business. I have come to see that he is not unique in this and that he was serious about it all - he feels entitled to do what he likes.

**Posted by Anon 765** November 10, 2024 6:54 pm

My first experience with therapy was a bit confusing, because she saw both me and my ex, individually and together. I would absolutely never enter into that dynamic again. I needed someone to be fully on my side.

During the time leading up to the separation, I was lucky to have had two good experiences - the first couples counsellor did individual intakes with each of us before we had our first session together. At the end of my session she said "once the woman has a foot out the door, it's almost impossible to get her back in". I think I knew then it was over. We had a few more sessions together, and it really helped me see that I truly was done.

I had a personal counsellor to get me through the separation and divorce, and she was amazing and incredibly helpful. I felt seen, heard and validated in my choices. She was truly my rock.

I can totally see that things might have gone very differently if I hadn't lucked on to two good counsellors. I was so vulnerable, and I wanted the marriage to work. I think I could have been convinced to keep trying, or to accept that he was bi and who knows where that would have led. It's the best thing for both of us that this marriage is over!

**Posted by Jupiter1** November 11, 2024 11:41 pm

It’s a tricky business finding a professional or friend whose counsel is wise and trustworthy. I love the advice of someone here (Elle? OOHC?) to keep on moving and find someone else if a therapist’s advice doesn’t sit right. I’m dealing with the trans issue in my relationship and it is so tough to find any professional brave enough to take in the straight spouses point of view. It’s baked in political correctness right now with professionals scared of being perceived as bigoted/non-accepting.

I recently made a change in therapists and while I feel grateful for the caring support I’m getting, the new therapist still minimizes the trans/sexual identity differences. Like that’s not such a big deal, it’s really that he’s mean… when actually it’s both of course.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** November 12, 2024 12:47 pm

Jupiter1 wrote:
..... the new therapist still minimizes the trans/sexual identity differences. Like that’s not such a big deal, it’s really that he’s mean… when actually it’s both of course.

I believe that many people, and professionals (counsellors, psychologists, therapists) will have somebody in their close circle who is trans....a child, grandchild, sister, brother.....and that their personal view must change the way they practice. I know it shouldn't but this social contagion has crept into every corner of everybody's life it seems and we don't know it because it's not talked about. Or....you can only talk about it if it's positively affirming and fucking kind!

Elle