I am so messed up right now.  I have been asking my husband for more sex and more reassurance.  He has been trying but now I find that I am shut down.  I just don't feel sexual.  I feel untrusting and scared and not able to open myself emotionally to him.  Try as I might, I just don't have those feelings right now.  I guess I just have to honor it and spend some time just hanging out with him and see what happens.  I think at the moment I feel peaceful about any outcome.  
I think I feel like I just want to start all over.  Can we start all over?  We've been together 21 years?  I still feel traumatized by his affair and see it in my head....I keep feeling like his affair invalidates my marriage.  He doesn't see it that way.  He wants to remain together.  I don't want to drag him through the mud and hurt him....just have to take time, I guess.   I just wish my heart would mend.