it's so complicated because people say focus on 'you'....but your mind is always on him and the situation an the 'what if'.  I spent all of my 8 years w/my EX trying to get attention from him, trying to be skinny enough, pretty enough, smart enough, fun enough.....you get it.  Despite all of this, he was always critical and angry.  Because he was oppressed. NOTHING I did would be enough - because I'm not a man!  I realize your relationship was loving and so it's more of a shock. You are valuable, beautiful and worthy of love and honesty.  Perhaps you can take some peace in that you were faithful and loving to him and you were your best self.  You are supported here.  It's truly not something you can sort out easily (or ever!) in your mind.  Try to lean on this group and anyone in your life that shows you love and caring.  You will get thru it.  One day at a time.......

Anger has power - it's a fine line for me between power/action and revenge.  I've experienced more sadness, loneliness but at times I get burst of anger.  One thought I try to recycle in my brain is " I deserve better. I deserve love"....... you do too.  

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. In theory I’ve always liked the idea of remaining friends with exes, but in reality, more often than not, it’s just not worth it. Especially if you don’t have children together. Life moves on and you’ll welcome new people into your life and hopefully you won’t need his friendship. He had to have known that he was leaning gay when he met you. That’s a huge piece of information to leave out of the conversations. That isn’t a friendship that I would likely want to retain. I know this sounds harsh, but after reading numerous horror stories I feel like you are dodging an even worse bullet. I guess I’d try to look at it from the perspective of being thankful he told you now and not 10+ years down the road. Maybe that warrants some friendship in your mind. I don’t know... 

Tangled 

I’m heading back to get my stuff now, I have to fly there. He lives in Boston and I moved back to NYC.  This is beyond stressful.  Please send me all the positive vibes today.  Thank you All for your support.