Hi Coolmint.  I'm so sorry you are going through such pain.  Your story sounds very much like my own.  When I finally found out the truth my first reaction and motivation was to cling to my marriage and find a way to make it work.  I was grasping at straws trying to figure out what kind of concessions I could make to keep her.  I wanted more than anything to save my marriage.  It was the only marriage I knew.. the only life I knew.. it was my identity.  

I convinced her to go to counseling.  My goal was to find a way to make it work.  Her goal was to have someone help her justify her actions and lessen her guilt.  

If I had known then what I know now....    I would have kicked her to the door so fast her head would spin.   I would have been celebrating because her leaving was my big chance to start my life over.  I got to reinvent myself, live by my own rules, pursue my own desires and really flourish.  Then later I found a new love of my life and found out that being married to an authentic, compassionate straight woman was 100x better and more fulfilling than my former marriage.  BUT I couldn't see or imagine it at the time.   So I understand where you are right now.  You are clinging to what you know and trying to save it.  Because you love her so much and are so loyal to her and your family, you will continue to try everything to save your marriage until you ultimately realize it's impossible.  Credit to you for displaying that loyalty and love.  It's a good trait. 

The above is my personal advice for you.  But I know that some people can make a MOM work.  Some people find common ground and re-define their relationship and figure out how to communicate and set boundaries and continue to love and support each other even without sexuality.    We have a forum section dedicated to helping people in that endeavor.  However, one key point is that it takes two people equally invested in making the MOM work.  Your wife has to want it too.  If she's already got one foot out the door it will never work.  So please be honest with yourself as you evaluate the options.  Don't torment yourself trying by yourself to create a MOM scenario.  She has to be honestly and truly working toward the same goal. 

I wish you the best!  Stick around and share how things go.. feel free to ask for advice and support from our group.  We are all here to help you.