Posted by Simpatica  June 23, 2020 12:58 pm | #1 |
Hi everyone,
I have been having such difficulty understanding the behavior of my husband (cruising in gay parks, hookups with random men) and the deceit and abuse he's put me through. I'm in therapy with a psychologist, a psychotherapist and two support groups. I feel that I have wonderful support but I still need a clearer picture and understanding of what has been going on in our family. I'm not sure how I found this site ISH (Institute for Sexual Health), I believe it was a straight spouse that posted about it a few years ago on the Forum. Thank you whoever posted it because it has actually really blessed my struggle and understanding. I feel much stronger today just after listening to these podcasts before I went to bed last night. I also highly recommend studying the Thirteen Dimensions of Sex Addiction-Induced Trauma (SAIT) Among Partners and Spouses Impacted by Sex Addiction© (link below).
I printed off this material and carry it around with me for when I need to reference it...(when you think you're going crazy and can't believe how devastated and betrayed you feel).
The first 2 podcasts are so rich and helpful. The metaphor he uses about the secret trap door in the basement of your family home, to a secret, deceptive world down below, is absolutely mind-blowing!! I would love to see a SSN podcast done with Dr. Minwalla, I could listen to him for hours speak about the behavior of a sex-addict and the abuse towards the spouse. Thanks to him we can have a much better understanding and stand strong in the truth.
https://theinstituteforsexualhealth.com/podcasts/
https://theinstituteforsexualhealth.com/thirteen-dimensions-of-sex-addiction-induced-trauma-sait-among-partners-and-spouses-impacted-by-sex-addiction/
Let me know your thoughts and I truly hope you are as enriched as I was finding this material!
Last edited by Simpatica (June 23, 2020 4:03 pm)
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Posted by Ellexoh_nz June 23, 2020 3:07 pm | #2 |
Simpatica wrote:
Hi everyone,
I have been having such difficulty understand the behavior of my husband.....
Simpatica 
I was torn, confused and distraught...about what this meant for my 35 year r'ship. The thoughts of what my partner was doing, where he was doing it, who he was doing it with! used to tear me apart.This not knowing, and not having any meaningful imput, understanding, empathy from him....did not help, until it dawned on me exactly what this was doing to me. To my self-esteem, and how I viewed others but more to the point what *I* thought others thought of me.
It doesn't matter what he's doing, especially if he's doing it secretly. I matter. I have made myself, through willpower,
say to myself when these distructive thoughts descend on me "it doesn't matter. I matter"
You'll never understand somebody who does things that he knows hurt you
Elle
KIA KAHA
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Posted by Simpatica June 24, 2020 3:39 pm | #3 |
@Ellexoh_nz That is great to hear that you are doing so well. I totally agree with you about never fully understanding the why. I am happy that you have reached a place of peace and serenity. I'm new on this journey and at times feel very strong and capable of moving on with my life, but I do still have a lot of processing (of the pain and trauma) to go through. I believe we're all a work in progress. All the best and thank you for inspiring us that there is life after this horrific experience.
@longwayhome I'm so glad you found this to be helpful. I agree with you, everyone should listen to the podcasts. Validation is the perfect term to describe it. I love the idea of this treatment program, whether you do it as a couple, towards reconciliation, or as an individual for true healing. Take good care of yourself.
