OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Newbie in Pain

**Posted by SusanneH** June 26, 2020 3:28 pm

She's brave to 'face' us. Her way of writing sounds insightful, similar to yours. No wonder you've had success. I've been learning from you, and now hope to learn more from her. I've already asked her a question (actually it's from my bi husband.) I've been trying to answer him in the best way I could from reading your posts, but he still can't fathom it, so maybe she can shed some light on it.
thanks.

Last edited by SusanneH (June 26, 2020 3:31 pm)

**Posted by tabby** June 29, 2020 1:16 am

Hello SusanneH,

Thank you for your post. It brought tears to my eyes.

I also appreciate the "hugs."

It means the world to me to have a place to go where people understand this raw experience.

**Posted by tabby** June 29, 2020 1:28 am

Hello Dutchman,

Thank you for your posts. I have been reading some of your history with your wife. Your ability to articulate your experience is very helpful.

It is also wonderful to read your wife's post. It is really helpful.

I am having such a hard time trying to understand this situation with my rational mind. I am a college teacher by profession, and it is worrisome that I can't concentrate very well. I have to accept that my feelings are simply overwhelming my mental functioning. I feel on the verge of a mental breakdown some days. I imagine that if I just let go of my mind, I wouldn't have to endure the searing pain of trying to process what is happening. At least, this is how it is on my bad days right now.

I appreciate the role your faith has had in the healing of your marriage. It is not often that people speak openly about this dimension. This aspect of life is very important to me.

Thank you.

**Posted by Dutchman** June 29, 2020 11:22 am

Hi Tabby,

I can understand what you wrote so well, I strongly feel with you. It's all so overwhelming to you and you seem to be stuck in this situation without many other options. What you have to cope with personally is difficult enough for you as it is. You have so much to process rationally and emotionally.
There are more contributing/complicating aspects, including your husbands attitude not really (or very reluctantly) addressing things, and several other conditions at play. You sound like a strong woman, but you're not made of steel. This can become too much to cope with without support.
Do you have any options in this regard? This can just be some outlet, like a good (and wise) friend, where you feel secure to talk to and share your emotions with?

**Posted by tabby** June 30, 2020 6:00 pm

Hello Dutchman,

No. I don't have another person I feel safe enough with to freely about this situation. This online support network is really been a godsend for me.

I have been able to speak to my husband a couple of times when I am calm enough to speak rationally. There is so much to sort out.

Thank you so much for your kindness.

Last edited by tabby (July 14, 2020 12:30 pm)

**Posted by tabby** July 14, 2020 12:41 pm

Hello,

I just wanted to share an update on my situation, especially to those who have shown me such kindness. I've spoken to my husband several times. His ill health has softened his defenses. And I have been fortified, in part by this forum, to be brave enough not to hold anything back, and have been able to ask a lot of blunt questions.

It seems that in the twilight of our long marriage, with all its blessings and challenges, my husband developed an intense infatuation for another person that hurt my feelings beyond what words can express.

The rest, all the rest, I am choosing to leave aside at this time. We cannot change the past. I must have faith that this situation has been given to us for our mutual learning. My heart was broken, but perhaps it was broken open.

Sending much love and gratitude to you all.

**Posted by phoenix** July 14, 2020 12:46 pm

tabby wrote:
My heart was broken, but perhaps it was broken open.

What a beautiful comment.

I wish you the best!