Wow. What a whirlwind. I’m so sorry you’re going through this very painful experience. I went through something similar when my husband came out as bisexual. But, in my case, it was a cold/ hot / cold / hot cycle for weeks (sometimes in the same day even). I found myself wishing he would have come out as gay instead so I could get a clean break. I hung on for our young daughter but cried more than I ever thought possible.  

I made the mistake of getting us into marriage counseling too early. In hindsight, I wish I would have gone myself because — during those 50-minute sessions — I felt like I was sitting on the couch with a complete stranger. There was so much blame-shifting that at one point the therapist looked me in the eye and said "You know you didn't cause this, right?" I felt like he was trying to make me hurt as much as he was. Then he would love bomb me later in the evening.  

Eventually, things got better...but that's probably because I put my emotions in the closet. I simply could not handle the grief anymore. I was having difficulty sleeping / losing weight / couldn't focus on work. We are still together over one year later. We just don't talk about it — which I'm sure isn't healthy for either of us. I just don't even know what to say about it, really. In the end, it wasn't the orientation that hurt me (though, of course, it was a shock) but that he kept that from me for 9 years...that I wasn't even the first to find out...and that he didn't seem to have any empathy for what I was/am going through. The future is still so very blurry… 

You seem like a really good person — and I’m sure things will get much better for you in time…In the meantime, we’ll  be here whenever you need to vent. Talk to those good listeners in your life. And take care of yourself. <3

Last edited by Julian_Stone (May 14, 2020 4:40 pm)