Posted by walkbymyself  June 17, 2020 11:51 am | #61 |
Ellexoh_nz wrote:
I'm feeling isolated, too.
What's up Walk? Talk to us....pleaseOne solitary 4 word sentence from you is worrying
Hi Elle, I think I have my good days and my bad days. Today is somewhere in the middle. I haven't been on this forum as much as I used to, but in part it's because sometimes I'm reading and I just find myself triggered and enraged at what's being done to us. I'd gotten a support order back in August and moved from our house in Los Angeles to an apartment in New York City that my husband had owned before we were married (this will ultimately be transferred to me as part of my buyout of our marital home). I'd lived in NYC before we were married, and on balance when I looked over the range of options, it seemed best for me to come here and start over.
So I would have hoped to have had some opportunity to make new friends here, but of course we all got hit with the pandemic and we've been in lockdown. I say I feel isolated ... but the funny thing is, everybody's in isolation right now. So if it weren't for this pandemic, I would have been alone any way, the only difference now is that everyone is in it together.
I've had some really bad days, but I finally got it together and started seeing a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me as suffering from extreme depression and PTSD. This was actually the same diagnosis I'd gotten from a doctor in Los Angeles before I moved here. So it's actually better because I'm taking antidepressants, and also something to help me sleep at night.
But I think I should check in with everybody here more often!
Relinquere fraudator, vitam lucrari.
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Posted by Ellexoh_nz June 17, 2020 3:12 pm | #62 |
........But I think I should check in with everybody here more often!
I know exactly how you're feeling when you talk about logging on and feeling disheartened & angry. A couple of times I've felt the same but also feeling "it's not fair! that I've only got an overseas website of straightspouses to pour my heart out to, nobody closer..." But I'm philosophical about my journey through this and as this IS my only outlet it doesn't take me long for my irritation to turn into appreciation.
Wow...you moved across country to an apartment in NY? Sounds like a movie and that after being dropped from a great Straightspouse height....like a cat you've managed to fall on your feet. An apartment of your own! With social distancing you you can still walk and find somebody to strike up a conversation with? (but I'm thinking it may be difficult to do this in NY maybe)
See.....there is something in everyone's story to be envious of. If there was an apartment I could escape to......
We're glad you've checked in
KIA KAHA
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Posted by OneDayAtATime June 17, 2020 4:11 pm | #63 |
Yes, walkbymyself, I’m glad you checked in, too!
What is it like in New York right now? My friend from NY said she knows 9 people who died from the virus... it’s such a different reality from what I’m dealing with out in CA. Some days it’s hard to remember the virus is real, because I’m so insulated from it. Other days I’m feeling too scared to reopen my business, as people keep talking about a second wave coming.
Do you have ideas for how to meet people once you can go out and about again? I was thinking there are probably groups for people who have suffered from narcissistic abuse. They would understand some of what straight spouses go through.
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Posted by walkbymyself June 18, 2020 9:29 am | #64 |
People here are a lot friendlier than you might realize, and that's often most clear in a crisis when people really come together. I've found it's helpful to me to be the person who helps other people -- like for example, the other day an elderly woman with some kind of foreign accent walked up to me and asked me whether we were required to wear masks, and asked me to show her how to put it on (she had a package of them). She started talking and it was clear she really needed another human to listen and empathize, so I ended up talking and mostly listening for a while, but telling her we're all in this together, and she can leave her apartment now as long as she maintains a safe distance and wears the mask. As we parted, I reached out and patted her shoulder. Those are the kind of interactions that make it all bearable. It's like I can't do anything to help myself, but every now and then there's a way to help someone else instead.
I'm a little lost at the moment because as long as the restrictions were in place, I didn't have to deal with the fact that I need to find a place to meet people and make friends. I'm glad to see the restrictions lifting, but at the same time it reminds me that I need to move my life forward a little bit.
Relinquere fraudator, vitam lucrari.
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