CSD,
Sorry for the pain you're going through.
You're near the beginning of a long process that will require you to shift your empathy from your cheating, in-denial spouse to yourself. That he manipulated you into sex means the extra difficulty of severing the resulting trauma bond.
It sounds, however, as if you are already beginning to understand the most salient fact: you are his cover, and he will sacrifice you and your well being to protect his closet. Please be aware that any promises he makes you are in service to protecting his closet and maintaining his cover, and not sincere protestations of caring for your well being or of love. You already see that despite the sacrifices you have been willing "to be there for him," he is not willing to do one thing for you. This is an important truth that you may need to repeat to yourself when your doubts start creeping in or he ups his efforts to resecure you.
