Congrats OOHC on your 1st anniversary of the hardest decision ever!  I'm now almost exactly 4 years past the initiation of my divorce and it seems such a long road since then.  Walkbymyself, I get you as I feel the same as my life feels like an ongoing car crash at times.  I have bouts of logging in and venting, but am trying to be more supportive of others now that the worst of my storm is over.  It is such a boost when as a new poster you get validation and replies to your post.  I know it helped me so much to get clarity at a difficult time when Kel and others would offer such amazing insights on the process.  I have collated some the tips I've been given here up in my posts on Medium.

I think I'm really only starting to heal as I've recognized how deep the wound to my self-esteem goes.  After doubting myself for so long, I find it really hard to trust my own judgement, but slowly I am regaining my strength of mind.  But I get the angry flares often too as I realize how much my GIDX deceived me over such a long period of time. 

Yes!  We have choices and we have life left in us yet.  I'm glad you are more peaceful OOHC.  I am starting to feel some of my optimism and joy of my young self surface, and seeing the darkness of the sadness and depression as something that is not ME, but a valid reaction to a very tragic and difficult turn of events in my life.  Control - here's wishing you a more peaceful authentic future!

in denial wrote:

Hello   
Im posted on "in denial".
I Think i should be on open forum MOM???

 

I found it quite easy to place myself mainly on the MOM board, simply because I am still with my partner. There are 
many different levels of where each one of us is on the Mindfuck Scale, and I think many don't post on the MOM board because (maybe) they see it as accepting life living with the Mindfuck as opposed to getting away from it. But that doesn't mean you never will.....it's all about gaining strength

Changing your name if you feel it no longer fits how you feel ......is a great idea!