OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Surreal

**Posted by StraightSpouse1979** September 10, 2019 4:41 pm

Does anyone else just feel like they are walking outside themselves, like living a life where they float above themselves and watch their lives like in a movie? I just cannot believe this is my life now. I shaved my arm hair with a electric razor because I refuse to have MORE hair than my husband. I am thinking of breast augmentation because i want a chest as large as his because I feel unfeminine anymore in his presence which is hillarious because he looks like a man with boobs. I try so hard to do things with him and my daughter for her sake but then i have such anxiety the whole time and the rest of the night that I am just like done where i cannot fall asleep at night. I take ambien and was starting to wean off it before all this dropped on me and now that is no longer an option or I wont sleep. I hate the idea that he thinks I have options, or I should be thankful to have the ability to do anything I want with my personal life while married because he gets it and it is ok. Like most days I wish i was never born

**Posted by TwistingInTheWind** September 10, 2019 5:35 pm

Yes he gets it - but that is not wy you want it. You want it because you are a human being and have needs of your own that have nothing to do with him. You aiming at the wrong target - this is NOT YOUR FAULT. I do not feel like my own shadow but I do, phsically, feel "hollowed out". Like my heart is just GONE! I do think there is an epidemic of this SHIT because now that I know I'm finding it in the most unexpected places. All this "gay pride" has emboldened the insanity of simply abandoning familes and "going for the butt". What a load of CRAP this is.

**Posted by StraightSpouse1979** September 10, 2019 5:54 pm

Agree Twisted, Like my mother in law when this first came out to light told him man up and take care of your family and im tired of this new age hippy shit where people can think they can change everything about themselves TO my daughter needs both of us so to please try and stay for her sake.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 10, 2019 6:01 pm

StraightSpouse1979 wrote:
...... I shaved my arm hair with a electric razor because I refuse to have MORE hair than my husband. I am thinking of breast augmentation because i want a chest as large as his.......

Stop competing with somebody who will never be you..!
You do have options, and they have nothing to do with him...
Stop giving him space in your head. I know it's hard, but when you refuse to let thoughts of him in
your sleep patterns will get better. There was a time I would wake at 4am, sometimes earlier, my
mind was instantly thinking "my life is over" and crying. So many tears! Then something happened,
a strength seeped in, a realisation that *I* had control over *my* life, not my partner. My life is not over
and now I hardly ever cry at the drop of a hat and I'm sleeping better (no medication)
Our situations are different....I know this....but you have to seize back the part of you that you think he controls.
When this mindset rights itself and you can see more clearly the options you do have...life, your days and path
to your future will be easier

**Posted by Rob** September 11, 2019 6:41 am

I found it surreal like a horror movie. One i could never had written.

I understand your thoughts but for me, through the whole ordeal, i thought i did not want to become like her; unkind and without empathy.

I'm going say it.,its all false the thoughts he impresses on you...that you need to change or be more this or that. They make us feel "less than" or not good enough. But then we go out in the real world and we find people like us the way we are just fine.

It is all him..dont let him feel like your not pretty enough, good enough, feminine enough.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** September 11, 2019 10:09 am

If you are determined to stay with your spouse you will need, as Ellexoh says, to learn to emotionally detach.

**Posted by StraightSpouse1979** September 11, 2019 6:22 pm

Rob: I know I am prettier than he is, hell he is a man with boobs, i just feel more so like I need to be the one who is more WOMANLY and it is the only thing I can do to make myself feel that way since he has robbed me of any identifying things by becoming or trying to be the second woman in the house

OOHC
I dont know if it is an emotional attachment at this point, well i guess it is to a degree if anger counts as one
or disgust because that is how I feel when I look at him
But I dont think the LOVE is there anymore