OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Bisexual wife - straight husband - advice!

**Posted by TangledOil** March 31, 2020 10:16 pm

Hi Julian,

I understand. I guess I come here looking for positivity and success stories and they’re few and far between. I learned about my husband’s bisexuality after being together 27 years. He only recently came to terms with it himself. I questioned him and that’s why he revealed it. He never intended to reveal it at all because he thought that it would end our relationship.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** March 31, 2020 10:46 pm

Yeah, I used to believe that of my now-ex, too: that he had only "just figured it out." Turned out it wasn't true.
I've seen so many people like you come here in the four years I've been on these boards. I came here, too, wondering if it could "work."
The only reason we have this asinine "strategies for MOMs" "make it work" section is because of someone who refused to acknowledge that hers wasn't going to work. And now she's decided it isn't, and her posts are probably the source of your "it's so negative" comment.
And yes I'm violating "the rule" of being "positive."
I've always believed that walling off this area was enabling denial.

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (March 31, 2020 10:50 pm)

**Posted by TangledOil** April 1, 2020 12:05 pm

Hi OutOfHisCloset,

I guess I’m personally just not that concerned about the future of my relationship. Maybe this isn’t the place for me because most of what I see here doesn’t fit my situation. There are many success stories. They just aren’t posting in a place such as this. They are just living their lives.

**Posted by lily** April 1, 2020 2:58 pm

If you have such a good relationship and aren't concerned about the future of it then yes, good question - why are you here TangledOil?

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** April 1, 2020 3:56 pm

TangledOil wrote:
The negativity in this thread is depressing.
The negativity here is only depressing if you see every comment or bit of advice as directed solely at your own situation. Some of it is directed at whoever will listen to those who think theirs is the only answer to the Mindfuck. The MOM board was invaluable when I needed to express my thoughts and emotions "in a safe area" where I was assured I wouldn't be 'got at' by people whose journey and vision was different to mine. And I was able to easily put the anti-MOM remarks where they belonged too
Around 85% of bisexual people end up with opposite gender straight people.
I haven't read that statistic but if it's true then 15% of bisexuals don't end up with straight people but in the end....does it really matter? I kept the statistic *a percentage of MOMs divorce after 3 years" at the back of my mind and I did indeed decide after 3 years that something had to change....BUT there are people here who decided not to part. And yes the 2 couples I'm thinking of no longer post here. Their response to the negativity they may have felt was to not log onto the Forum.
I think it can work. It doesn’t always work, but marriages in general don’t always work.

Elle

**Posted by TangledOil** April 1, 2020 4:20 pm

I likely won’t be here any longer. I wish you all the best.

**Posted by lily** April 1, 2020 5:56 pm

straight is straight.

wishing you all the best.

**Posted by Julian_Stone** April 2, 2020 11:27 pm

Tackleberry wrote:
How do we incorporate her “bisexuality” into our sex life together without having an open relationship? We’ve talked about watching sensual lesbian television shows together like the L Word and I have also expressed to her that I would be willing to fantasize with her about other women, or to incorporate more bisexual fantasy into our love making.

But...I just feel lost and my head is a mess. Any advice or help on how to make this work would be so so appreciated! Thank you!!

Hi Tackle My personal advice would be to take some time to focus on yourself first (the bi bomb years into a marriage is quite a whirlwind, isn't it??)....Bad timing now with COVID, of course...but once the dust settles, maybe you should seek out a good couples therapist who has experience with mixed-orientation marriages. I know there are several Reddit groups, but I'm hesitant to refer anyone there because what I've found (overwhelmingly, unfortunately) are mostly threads from bisexuals lamenting monogamy...You may find some positive, helpful threads from monogamous couples in the mix, though.

Best wishes. Take care of yourself. <3

Last edited by Julian_Stone (April 3, 2020 6:19 am)

**Posted by TangledOil** April 9, 2020 5:38 pm

MJM017,

I just popped on here to thank you for your words. Deep down I knew my husband wasn’t completely straight almost since the very beginning nearly 28 years ago. We are in a really good place right now. I won’t be on here with any frequency because I do find it mostly dreary and negative, but I felt I owed you a thank you for behaving like a neutral party.