Posted by StraightSpouse1979  July 1, 2019 5:29 am | #1 |
So back story
I have had insomnia for as long as I can remember. It started where melatonin worked, then over the counter Benadryl worked, but then that got to where I was taking so much of that I wa freaked out so I went to my primary doctor and he gave me 10 mg of ambien. First night it worked like a charm but then as time went by it was that plus a unisom plus two unisom and then melatonin. When my best friend died of a heroine overdose 7/16/17 I got really bad to where I was doubling the ambien and had none some nights because I ran out. I pulled myself together and got down to half of the five mg of ambien plus the 2 unisom 1 melatonin. Well now that my husband has come out about himself it’s starting to get worse again. We would watch tv before bed, cuddle, he would scratch my head and if fall asleep watching tv with him. Now the loneliness is getting to me where it’s mostlg always a whole ambien 2 unisom and 2 melatonin. I feel like shit every morning
I am going away Friday to Sunday w a girlfriend whose other friend screwed her last minute so she has an extra concert ticket and part of the hotel she’s out of money with. Never been away from my daughter longer than 8 hours. I haven’t slept in the same room with anyone in 5 years (hubby n I slept separate due to my insomnia his snoring) they both snore they say. So I’m like great ! Do I trial the old 10 mg ambien to see if that makes me sleep all night without waking? Will that make me not sleep with 5 mg when I return?
I tell this to my husband and he says I do too much. I’ve always had a lot going on but I also had a normal relationship with my husband so I had solace of reprieve where now I don’t. Then it’s the wine. I always drank wine and never affected my sleep. It’s everything other than him.
I worked so hard to get back on track w ambien and he’s despite his willingness to take any responsibility in this has gone and screwed it up for me.
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Posted by karma8mykeys July 1, 2019 7:11 am | #2 |
I've feel like I've had decades where I couldn't sleep w/o something so I get it.
But do you see how he pressure to get a good night's sleep only adds more anxiety about sleep, and add in the "should" about how to get the sleep just makes it even worse? That was me, anyway. So I just slowly stopped the merry-go-round.
Do what feels right this weekend, and put most of your energy towards the good stuff: have fun, let go (or not), and try to get something you need from it. If you need to take something, take something. It's a new experience, you might find you don't need anything. Or not.
Hugs, and lots of wishes for a great mini break.
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Posted by andrea-lost July 11, 2019 9:35 pm | #3 |
I have been struggling with sleep since my husband left. Ambien bad. Sleepwalking. Unisom sleep texting but OTC so sometimes I check out the whole weekend because I just cant live life and I want to disappear. So I take 2 4 6 and sleep the whole weekend. Yeah not a way to live I know. But I can't deal with this reality and therapy is NOT helping. I have been living this BS lie for 3 years almost, Im breaking. It was a 30 year marriage. Can't we get honest and talk about people who can;t survive a major change like this.
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Posted by Whirligig July 11, 2019 10:25 pm | #4 |
Andrea-lost, I am so sorry you want to disappear. I have days like those too. I also struggle occasionally with passive suicidal thoughts and feelings.
It doesn't make you weak to feel that way. I think you are tough! A good person with a really loving heart. It wouldn't hurt so much and take so long to start feeling better otherwise. You are still trying! My situation didn't last nearly as long and I still have a hard time so I think that even three years out isn't much time when it comes to healing.
I want you to make it! I want to make it too but the sad is so persistent some days. I won't pretend you couldn't make a choice to do otherwise because I don't want to deny the reality of your hurt but I hope you stick around. Perhaps you could see if your doctor could adjust your medications? Or try another therapist? Or maybe comment on the boards here a little more frequently? Hugs to you! Please don't give up.
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Posted by OutofHisCloset July 11, 2019 10:59 pm | #5 |
Andrea (not yet found),
Seconding what Whirligig has said. See your doctor and say what you have here. If this therapist is not helping search for another. You need to be able to trust your therapist and to say what you need to say there.
And to get real, yes, there are times when it feels as if we can't take any more and it will never get better. It sometimes feels like a giant deception, the idea that we will make it through. But you *have* made it through, three years, and have survived. Don't give up hope that you will make it through this.
Last edited by OutofHisCloset (July 12, 2019 9:35 am)
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Posted by Rob July 12, 2019 7:34 am | #6 |
andrea-lost,
Keep posting. We can give tips and encouragement. Your coping mechanisms are not wrong , but I found they are not as constructive as they once were. (should I wallow in my "safe spot" this weekend..she is no longer here attacking me)
I say wallow, sleep, but set a time limit, then pick your self up and do something.. go to the library, a walk, wander the mall.. small steps . I think we need to get these spouses out of our heads...they have forfeited all rights to be there. But we love strong and fiercely. I think you need possibly a new therapist to help with
this ..tell him/her you want to move on.. not relive it over and over. Have you tried finding a hobby or sport you used to like before TGT ?
Sincerest e-hugs.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
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Posted by Daryl July 12, 2019 3:15 pm | #7 |
Also take a look at what the therapy is focused on. One might think that this is just a marriage/sexuality type of issue with issues of trust (or lack of) layered upon it but sometimes it's more akin to trauma recovery. Please take care of yourself. All our voices are important.
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
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Posted by StraightSpouse1979 July 14, 2019 5:47 pm | #8 |
MJM
I will check out the videos and see if they help. Thank you for posting.
Daryl
Yes it is just like trauma recovery. I think that is what says he understands but does not really get it. He can tell me that i can have anything I want if it makes me happy but does not get that the life i have known for 20 years is what i want and that i cannot have back
