OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / 5 days since finding grinder on his phone

**Posted by Daryl** May 23, 2018 7:34 pm

A toxic narcissist will go into overdrive when it appears they are losing control. Some will go into love-bombing mode until you're securely under the influence once more. Some use others to try to influence you. Some may offer a small kernel of truth with the assurance of some sort of change in future. Sometimes the plan is to make you doubt yourself and only trust them. It's all about manipulation and control. Tell the truth to anyone you need to. You need allies who won't fall for any smooth talk and lies. They can help insulate you, or at least not unknowingly play into any ulterior motives. Hang in there.

**Posted by Kaylamarie** May 24, 2018 2:15 pm

Hey Wondering, thank you again for your support. I don't know how I would have gotten through these last few days without everyone's kind and thoughtful words. Today was a big day for me. I went to my apartment to get some of my things today while he was at work and he has the damn locks changed. I called our landlord and he let me in. I got most of my stuff but it was not worth it for me to get the big things. During all this his mom calls me saying he has been crying and that we need counseling. She said he will try anything to get me back. She does not know about the grinder of course. I told her she didn't know the half of it and if she wants the truth she will need to call her son. She must have notified him that I got into the house because I got a text from him saying that I threw away 6 years of love. That he is not lying and he called the Apple store and they said some BS about apps redownloading without authorizing or some nonsense. He was texting in all CAPS saying I did this the wrong way and I am so wrong for doing this to him. It was an emotional day. I'm still processing it all.

**Posted by Daryl** May 24, 2018 7:18 pm

Actions vs. words - why did he change the locks if he's wants you back so badly?

I'm thinking it was a way to force you to come to him but he didn't think about the landlord. I wonder if he's now told the landlord not to dare do that again?

Something I read elsewhere...

"develop a practice of self care. Exercise in the way that is best for you, get the sleep that you need, eat healthy, take time in solitude and quiet, journal if that is helpful to you; listen to short guided meditations, practice gentle hatha yoga to calm the nervous system and strengthen the body/mind, listen to your favorite music that is a source of beauty and peace, spend time with a few friends whom you trust and can count on. Maintain a practice of self care now and throughout your life. You deserve to heal and you will. Healing and evolving are lifelong processes."