Wow, this topic - how to handle the fallout on the children -
This is one of the hardest things for me. My whole-hearted advice would be to listen to the children. Mine are 17, 15, 15, 12, and 8. The older 3 have basically no contact with their dad. If they want to see him, I allow it. The younger two still see him. They like his partner. They say that dad is nicer when he is there. (I am the queen of smile and support through my broken heart.) All 5 kids know that dad is gay. There is no way for us that keeping more secrets could have been healthy. No regrets about telling them. They are ok with dad being gay, just not ok with dad lying and hurting and blaming.
Love, understanding, and support to you all,
Tam