Not to get off topic on the thread but I think some of us were in the relationship so long we did not recognize  our treatment as abuse.   It was when I was telling my story to my psychiatrist  (whom I went to for anti-depressants) that I was told in a cold scientific way; " you are abused"  ... I was like huh?    Then when I was sitting in my lawyers office there was a pamphlet on domestic abuse.   I could check off half the stuff on that list...  it had a list similar to:

https://centerforfamilyjustice.org/faq/domestic-violence/

 So the fear and "fight or flight" feeling is very real  and your spouse does not need to be physically beating on you for it to be abuse.      It is certainly not love.

To this day  I thank God for getting me away from such a horrible person. I could never treat someone the way I was treated...not even an enemy.     I pray that you all find courage, strength and safety to get away from these gay spouses that are capable of so much destruction and hurt.